Events: mark your calendars

Kick It to Cancer” with Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer

                                                           

On June 9, cancer warriors will “earn their showers” participating in a 3-hour trifecta of fitness events.

Fayetteville, New York:  Focusing attention on the health benefits of physical fitness, Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer (SDBC) is hosting “Kick It to Cancer” at the Towne Center Fitness Studio in Fayetteville on Sunday, June 9. The event features three one-hour group fitness sessions (cycling, boot camp, and yoga), giving participants the opportunity to take part in one, two, or all three.  “Fitness is an important key to health, whether you’re being treated for cancer or not,” says SDBC Founder Ann Marie Giannino-Otis.  “I have always loved the energy I get from working out in a group setting, but I know that people can be intimidated at the idea of being a beginner in front of others. This event is designed to give everyone at any fitness level the chance to experience different kinds of workouts.  Maybe they’ll find something they like and can stick with.”

Kick It to Cancer is not just for beginners.  Experienced, highly trained instructors will lead the one-hour sessions and, because of class size limitations, they will have the ability to modify the workout for varying levels of fitness, from beginner to intermediate to expert.  “You can work hard or take it easy – whatever works for you,” Ann Marie says.

Starting at 7:30 AM, the complete trifecta of classes will be provided six times throughout the day so participants can create a schedule that works best for them.  “We’ve also set it up so that people can put together a team and do the three classes together,” says Ann Marie.  “Or they take turns doing the individual events and make it a relay.”  Individuals are also encouraged to participate.  “There’s a saying I like,” she continues.  “’You’re just one workout away from a good mood.’ I really believe that it’s true.”

  All of the money raised for the event will be donated directly to East Syracuse-based CancerConnects and SDBC’s new Bravery Bags program. Participants will also be provided with a water bottle and healthy snacks, included in the registration fee, to keep them hydrated and nourished throughout the event.  There will be a door prize raffle, with opportunities to win free classes at the Towne Center Fitness Studio.

M.C. Reidy Davidson, a Towne Center Fitness instructor who will be leading classes for the event, often asks her students “How are you going to earn your shower today?”  Kick it to Cancer participants will earn theirs as cancer warriors, fighting cancer and taking a positive step toward fitness through their participation in this fun, healthy day-long event.

For more details about Kick It to Cancer, contact Ann Marie (amandtom@msn.com /

315-559-1203) or visit the Facebook event site: https://www.facebook.com/events/435570783197357/

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer is Ann Marie Giannino-Otis’ fierce and unconventional initiative to promote awareness, early detection, and advocacy, with a special focus on how the disease impacts younger people. On behalf of her organization, Ann Marie has been featured in magazine and news stories, made appearances on TV, local radio, and Huffington Post Live, and hosts a series of monthly events, including the My Journey Through the Lumps photo essay at Fayetteville-based Pascale’s Restaurant in October, Stacks for Racks in November and February, This is My Journey, a slide show and presentation at the Fayetteville Free Library, Caring Kids events in December and April, Ride Inside for Breast Cancer in January, the Pink Out! drag show in February, and Bunco for Boobs in March. Since its inception last September, Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer has raised and contributed around $26,000 to a variety of breast cancer organizations, including Komen CNY-Central New York Affiliate of Susan G. Komen for the Cure, Stand Up to Cancer, Duke Hospital, Wilmot Cancer Center, the Upstate Cancer Center, Cancer Connects, and the Maureen’s Hope Foundation.

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer has developed Bravery Bags in partnership with Jill Greblick, Ann Marie’s cancer-surviving counterpart in Boston, and CancerConnects. The project consists of filling gift bags with such items as lip balm, dry shampoo, notecards, and a cheerful fleece blanket made by a child at an SDBC “Caring Kids” events. The Bravery Bag, which will be delivered in advance of a patient’s scheduled surgery, is designed to make life comfortable for them after their procedure, and to send the message beforehand that someone understands what they are going through and is thinking of them.

CancerConnects is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization which provides free programs and services to help facilitate the cancer journey for patients throughout Central New York, empowering cancer patients and survivors via connections to community resources, support, and guidance.

Ann Marie communicates regularly with a growing network of patients, their loved ones, and supporters via a blog, www.stupiddumbbreastcancer.blogspot.com and Facebook community, www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer. 

Past Events

April 11^th 6pm

Trappers II in Minoa

Join the ladies on April 11^th at 6pm for a night of dice, drinks, food, prizes, boobs and FUN!! Be there by 6pm to register and get your seat assignment, the game will start at 7 pm SHARP! The price is $20 and you must register in advance by April 5^th . There will be 60 spots and that is it, so contact me. The shirts are PREORDER, $20 grey vneck with the SDBC logo on the right side. There will be AMAZING prizes for 1^st, 2^nd, 3^rd, most Bunco and  boobie, plus every time you roll a Bunco you get to reach into the grab bag. Raffles and NEW Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer shirts will be on sale. Proceeds to benefit CNY Komen team CURE OR BUST and Maureen’s Hope. Trappers II will be having food and cocktail specials as well. So get your ladies and come get your Bunco on to support the “girls”!

This link will bring you to the FaceBook Events page

https://www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer?ref=hl#!/stupiddumbbreastcancer/events

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer rides for Cancer

Join Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer for a ride inside for a cure on January 6^th at the Community Fitness Center in Fayetteville for a high intensity indoor cycle marathon or relay. The proceeds will go to CNY Komen Race for the Cure team “Cure or Bust “and Jackie Balliot in her fight against Osteosarcoma a form of bone cancer. Jackie was 15 when diagnosis and has the will power of a Super star. Read more about her at blog http://jackieballiot.blogspot.com/   

http://www.giveforward.com/balliotmedicalaccount

Jackie is from North Carolina but will be cheering us on via Skype. Cancer does not discriminate and Jackie is proof that with hope there is a CURE.

There are many ways to ride just find the one that works for you. All riders will get a FREE shirt, the first 5 teams will get a water bottle, if you register by Thanksgiving you will get a 2 week voucher to the center and if you are a solo 6 hour rider there is a visor for you! If you know someone battling or 
surviving or lost their battle to cancer ride for them. Let us know so we can put a sign on your bike. There will be raffles through the day and door prizes as well, a great time for an important cause. This is an ideal way to kick off the New Year, getting fit and helping battle cancer.

Pick your ride

The Big Bone- ride alone for 6 hours with four 15 minute breaks. This is hard core and we will be there cheering you on, $105.

The double Mastectomy- get a buddy and split the ride. You can go every other 1 and 15 minutes or do a 3 hour yourself. Either way it will be a great work out, $55 a person

The Meningie Trou-three people changing up the ride and working hard, $38 a person

Six Pack- six friends burning their quads in an hour intervals, $ 25 a person

All registration needs to be in and paid to get a spot by December 28^th. There are only 30 bikes, spaces will fill up FAST. The instructors will be announced and their time slots when all spots are filled.

Click here for the PDF registration form
https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B--YeBt8DuhQcTZLZ3lyWHlTbFU

December 10th 2012 7pm

I will share my thoughts, feelings, and distinctly unconventional approach to breast cancer in a slide show presentation of photos documenting my battle with the disease. Directed toward young women, older teens, cancer survivors, and their loved ones, the presentation seeks to enlighten and inspire the audience and demystify the processes and procedures related to treatment. This is My Journey is another in a growing number of Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer events designed to promote early detection, encourage advocacy, and generate an honest and straightforward conversation that continues long after the “official” Breast Cancer Awareness Month has ended.

Please join me at Fayettevile Free Library for my story. The doors will open at 7pm and I will begin to talk at 7:30pm. I am looking forward to this "friendraiser". The library seats 150 people so please arrive on time. This is just another confirmation to the community support. Some of the photos will be on display in the lirbray for the month of December, check them out.






Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer is the works of becoming a non-for profit and I could not be happier. I have events planned for everyone month, everyone is different and will appeal to a variety of people. I am looking for donations of goods, services, gift certificates, etc. Nothing is too small of too large. They will be used at the events as door prizes or raffles. What a great way to show your products off and get some free advertising. Contact me for more information; I look forward to working with you!

Stacks for Racks

Join  Trapper’s II

  for a poker tourney to benefit

 Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer

Monday, November 5^th

Starting at 6pm

Trapper’s II 101 North Main Street, Minoa, NY 13116

$30 buy in with ability to buy back in

Half the pot will go to Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer and Cancer Control Division in Radiation Oncology at the University of Rochester. The other half will be divided into 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd place. There will be door prizes and GREAT raffles. Come to this fun evening for a great cause, anything to save the boobies! MUST register (there are only 50 seats, so register NOW!!) Trapper's II will have food specials for all participating players!!! $8-16" Cheese pizzas and 50 Cent wings!!

Please join Genevieve Fridley Photography and me on October 21st from 4pm until 7pm as we display the real, uncensored version of stupid dumb breast cancer. The cost will be $10 advance sale tickets and $15 at the door. The show will be at Pascale's Restaurant in Fayetteville. Ticket sales will begin September 1st. Please contact me at amandtom@msn.com for ticket purchases. Tickets and donations can be paid via PayPal as well. The part of the proceeds will benefit the team CURE OR BUST at the 2013 Race for the Cure on May 18th. The other will go to Stand up to Cancer. https://www.standup2cancer.org/ I am so excited that we are using the money for research and education. Both of organizations are fabulous. Any and all donations are greatly appreciated. If we have donations for food we will have more money for these important organizations! Contact me if you would like to donate.
There will be a cash bar and light appetizers, so drink heavily and eat minimal. We are looking for any donations for food and print costs. Genevieve is donating some prints. These print will be used at various events. If you are willing to help with keeping costs down PLEASE contact me. Thanks so The Art Supply Store for donating some framed pictures for the event, so generous. http://www.commercialartsupply.com/ Plus, please check the coupon on the blog as well! They are donating 10% of your purchase to Cure or bust, get your framing done and support the team.
Please mark your calendars and tell your friends. What better way to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month than showcasing a life SAVED from early detection. These pictures have been so incredibly therapeutic for me, amazing how Genevieve captures the emotion. They have also inspired other women going through stupid dumb breast cancer now (and friends of these women who need to see the harsh reality of it). Please know that anyone who really wants to come but does not want to view the pictures, we have respectfully set up the viewing area in the restaurant part. The bar will not have any pictures that will make anyone uncomfortable. I really hope to see you all there. Stupid dumb breast cancer lit a fire inside me. Join me as we find a way to stop it! I wonder what shoes to wear??!!

For Tickets Via PayPal. PLEASE tell how many tickets and if they are for survivors!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=HSCXDSM8FDDJJ

PAYPAL IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED, THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

DONATION AND SPONSORS

For the past seven years, I have organized a team for CNY Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure called “Cure or Bust”. I’ve done this to honor my grandmother, as well as friends that have had their lives torn apart by this disease.  We have been the biggest team for the past four years and two years running as the biggest fund raiser.

Ironically, on May 5^th of this year, I found a lump, and on June 13^th, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am not cancer, I never was. I knew from that moment that my mission would be to beat cancer and help others along the way.

On Sunday October 21^st from 4-7pm at Pascale’s Restaurant in Fayetteville, “My Journey through the Lumps” will be on display. Genevieve Fridley Photography has documented my entire journey with images that are uncensored and emotional, while never failing to show the reality of “stupid dumb breast cancer”. All proceeds will benefit Stand up to Cancer and Susan G. Komen through our team Cure or Bust.

One in every eight women is diagnosed with breast cancer. We would appreciate donations to help in the fight. Our corporate sponsor levels include-Silver at $250, gold at $500, platinum at $750, and diamond at $1000. All of these sponsors will have their logo at the event on October 21^st and on the Cure or Bust team page and at the Komen race event. Your company name will be on the Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer blog, Facebook page, and Twitter account as well. Any company wishing to make a smaller donation of $100 will be mentioned in the program on the day of the event.

Please make all donations to Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer. We could not be more pleased or grateful for your generous donations. Or through PayPal via the blog link. ALL donations MUST be in by October 13th so we can get the logos to the printers.

 Breast cancer is the leading killer among women, help us save a life and beat Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer.

Love him or hate him

My dear sweet brother ...blahahahahahahahaha! My brother is the kind of person you turn to when you want the ultimate truth, when need help moving a body, when you need back up, when you need to be loved. He loves with his whole heart does things only because he wants to which means he loves you enough to do it.  His advice is always given even if you don't want to hear it. He gives his all to a relationship and expects you to do the same. He speaks his mind whether you want him to or not. And he has taught me how to do all that I just added my touch to it. He drives me nuts when he stops over at 7am but I don't want him to ever stop, ever. He won't read this cause he hates to see my chest, he used to change my diapers to its weird to him. He called every day, stopped by but still felt helpless. I saw the pain in his eyes while I went through everything. There was no body to move, he was just pissed at cancer. He never left my side through all this and was right were my kids needed by their side. He is the godfather to my son Sam and the perfect choice. I love my brother and would do all the above and more for him. I need him in my life and my kids. Happy birthday to the best back up a princess could have! 

Oh and happy birthday to my sweet god daughter Nicole. I love you  my little munchkin and really really look forward to your 21st birthday! You getting that tattoo means more to me than I think you will ever understand. I want you to never have to go through what I did, ever and for that I will always fight. I also don’t want you to get pregnant right now so use protection, just saying. Thanks for all you have done for me this year. Now be a good girl and shine my tiara!! 

Vacation all I ever wanted....

my man!!!

Yup that fanily

Jello is our staple

Sand in my toes, junk food in the bags, girl magazines ready, Patron in effect, J E L L O,  metal detector ready for action and NO DRAINS!! This is going to be a great vacation add the 3 bottles of "Cheezy Does It" and it will be amazing. Seriously last year was plain awful (singing a little Annie to this I hope). Sure we laughed a lot but I was in so much pain coming a week off my mastectomy. I couldn't help the way I normally do actually I do tend to take over. I was simply exhausted by the time we left the beach that it the only thing I could do was sit. Don't get me wrong I barked orders just fine but I am a doer. I mean poor Megan had to carry 50 pound sand bags and lets face she weighs 100 pounds wet! Rosie can barely handle the Jell-O shots without me and I was too tired to really help. Ok I will admit it we are "that family" on the beach you know the one. With the cabana, music, 6 coolers, 12 chairs, soccer net, enough food to feed the beach, and loud very loud. Last year though we were all a little more toned down, no really we were. We were waiting on my pathology report, waiting good times. My famil was so nice to me, helping me, not letting me do squat. I am pretty sure that will change this year and I am so happy to be back to normal. Whatever normal is! 

I can't wait for coconut ice cream at Sundae School, lobstah rolls from Arnold's, bone fire on the beach with our friends, bocce ball and getting my sun on! I know how exciting it is to go away, how you need it. But this year we REALLY need it. Not just from stupid dumb breast cancer but from stupid dumb heart attack too. I brought my dad to the Cape 15 years ago and we have been going ever since. Cape Cod is our happy place. Not just because its lovely but because some of our favorite people are there with us.  And this year we are adding my nephew too, boy is in for it. These are the  people that make me happy even when they are pissing me off, people that no matter what still treat me like a princess. Crap I hope I packed my tiara!

Hope, Live, Love



Coconut Ice Cream for the nuts!



My King

My side kick






Mid-Western BFF Birthday

Sometimes someone pops into your life and you have no idea what direction the relationship will have. Years ago I met Genevieve and I thought she is nice but I will be real friends. As time went on we got closer and closer sharing personal experiences and dark secrets (I think she once said she was a spy shhhhh). Funny how this loud mouth Italian became so close with this quiet Mid-Western girl. She was that friend that stood by me through this whole journey not  leaving me side. Even when there was blood, scars and drains. She healed heal me through her photos in a way that I do not think she even understands. She made me feel like I was going to be ok through those pictures. Those photos then inspired and empowered and encouraged and helped so many other woman. I don’t think Genevieve will ever understand the magnitude of these pictures and I hope she will never have to. I am not only so happy to have her as my friend, I am so proud that she is my BFF. Thanks “G” for everything you have done. I am so happy your parents decided to have sex and make you. Happy birthday to my Mid-Western BFF.

Mastectomyversary?

Here we go

Cancer is a funny thing. You have your DX anniversary, your cancer free anniversary, your first chemo, your last chemo, rads and any drug your started anniversary, your surgery anniversary and whatever hell else you make up. Some are easy and you barely notice them or they just make you smile. Then there are the ones that remind you of what really altered you. For me that is today.

Hugs not drugs, wait I need the drugs

I keep holding back tears yet I am not sure what I am crying for, The fact I am here and this year was tougher but made me tougher (as if I needed help). The fact that my body has changed so much it has made me a self-conscience freak (as if I needed to fly my freak flag more). Or is it the loss of body parts that I find myself for no other word, sad. Unless you lost a body part you cannot understand the feeling. I wish I had the fancy shamancy words to help those who have never experienced it but I don’t, I only have made up ones to drive Tom and Jennifer nuts. That is really the thing, there are not any right words it’s just a feeling. You are so happy that the part is gone because it tried to poison your body, but shit you are sad they are gone. Then you are thrilled to be alive yet pissed off that this is happening and you cannot control it. It is a roller coaster for sure. OMG that is it I am calling it the “viper” emotion. I am simply brilliant. Applause now please! I remember surgery day so well. Getting up after absolutely no sleep whatsoever, talking to Alissa all night long,  Sammy boy crying himself to sleep holding my hand, Meg half asleep telling me she loved me, MC pulling up to pick us up in the darkness of the morning, the ride there and the check in. Seeing my dad and how strong he was trying not cry (for those new to this show I had a no crying rule). This was major for my dad, major. My badass brother coming into the room hugging and running literally out the door because he was going to cry (he came back a little drunk and cried a little). G-Deb trying hard to not cry but sneaking out for coffee when I knew what she was doing. Genevieve snapping shots that I thought were funny yet not really understanding the impact of what these pictures were going to do to me. My sister showed up late which was perfect for 2 reasons, “that’s Lori” and there was no way she could do the no crying rule. MC, well there are no words none. She was right there not leaving me and joking the entire time just what I needed. Then there was Tom, fool ate a full breakfast right in front me the ass. He couldn’t look me in the eyes I knew why; he was so scared and didn’t want me to see. This was not just an in and out surgery and the uncertainty was intense. When we did look at each other just enough to understand. Then waking up. Drugged, in pain wondering what the hell you look like. The drains that no one can prepare you for what they feel, smell like. How you are so nervous yet the drugs make you so confuse those emotions. Walking for the first time, no memory yet I have pictures to prove I did. the nurses were great and I will never for them especially Emily. Funny how a stranger can give you so much love and care. Seeing my kids via FaceTime, loved that just loved it. They got to see I was ok and I was. Wondering what the hell was next and having no control over it. I can look back on this day and be proud for sure. It turned my life around. I feel like my journey has helped others so much and for that I will take 2 for the team. I can also be pissed that this journey has given me low self-esteem and broke my heart. I can be so happy that I am alive and beating up cancer (we all know the journey doesn’t end with the last “whatever”). I can be guilt ridden that I am alive when so many have taken wings. I can be empowered by their amazing courage too. I can be depressed that this journey has showed me so many amazing people that have lost their battle. I can also be overcome with sheer glee (yes I said glee now shut the front door) that I have made some of the best or breast friends of my life. This journey has taught me just who my friends are and how amazing the really are. It has brought my family even closer (almost to the scary creeper side) than I ever imagined. So how can I argue with that? Yet I still cry and really if you are reading this and have never experienced cancer at its finest you cannot get it. I am so happy yet I want to cry on this day like a big ol’ friggin baby. There is no doubt that we all experience cancer different but I will tell you this part is how it just is. I know so many survivors struggling with this and it sucks the big cancer stick. Stupid dumb breast cancer, ARGGGG!! Today will come and go and I will be fine. I will flip through these pictures and remember where I was, how far I have come and what is still down this long ass fucking bumpy road. Maybe I will cry, maybe I will smile or even laugh just a little. Whatever I do this is my journey and I will do it my way like or leave the page but don’t hate. I will do it in stilettos, a tiara and a pink boa (just for my militant friends)!

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: It just hit me you have breast cancer

I was all set to write a new post then I decided to read last year's one. So as I type I am crying. Yes I have come a LONGGGG way but to think about this time last year overwhelms me. The emotions, the anger, the fright comes all rushing back. When I say fright I mean like scared shit less could die not Freddy Kruger in the boiler room.  I will never forget that and I do not want to. I want to remember how I felt so I can help all those joining the club, this horrible loving supportive cancer club.

Last year this time I was stressing real stress as I prepared for surgery. I cannot believe it has been a year, it seems like yesterday…….

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: It just hit me you have breast cancer: Design by Margret Says my girlfriend who has been with me every step of the way, dumb ass DUH! You know when you need to be injected wit...

Run for Life



Right before surgery my girlfriends signed my chest with LOVE

I have been thinking non stop about this Melissa Etheridge song and I always attribute it to Race for the Cure. It really isn't about literally running a race to me. It is about running for life. DUH, I know the title is “I Run for Life” but I was thinking in the walk/race sense.
It has been almost a year since they cut into my body (July 20) yet the pain isn't miles behind me. That mirror is a reminder about where I was, how far I came and what is still in store.  The fear is still a fierce beast roaring into my ear every now and then. Not just for me but I am talking for all my warrior friends no matter their cancer. I keep on spreading the word because it is the hope I need to comfort my fellow warriors. It keeps me whole and keeps me sane which we all know is a hard task.  I am still learning so much about cancer, the gift that keeps on giving. The emotional part the doctors forget to tell you and the after effects that I think get brushed under the carpet.  The pain of the scars, anxiety that it will come back, the fear that my friends will die, the happiness that I am alive, the guilt that I am still here and how to cope with all those emotions in every day life. That is the darkness that you start to possess.
There is no doubt that cancer cuts into your body but your soul?? Yes wise ass I have a soul. It did cut into my soul but my family, friends, Cancer Connection peeps healed that and made it stronger. Through them and all those angels that have taken wings we RUN! Not for a walk/race but for LIFE. Those that enter this horribly yet beautiful club, it doesn’t matter the cancer to our warriors we are all running together. For Talia, Andrew, Lola, Lara, Ciel, DeeAnn, Jen, Ashley, Nancy, Anne Marie, Anne, Scorchy, Jenny, Jeri, Maria, Lauren, Heather, Scott, Jackie, Bridget, Zach, Kathy, Norma, Molly and all the others I have grown to call my friends we together with those who love and support us come out of the darkness and shine on. So remember if the darkness comes to you there is a whole team running for you, for your sister, your wife, your friend running for answers.  Wearing a tiara of course!
I Run for Life
It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Everyday that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast
If you ask her why she is still running
She'll tell you it makes her complete

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend:| I run for life
It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken it's toll
And they cut into my skin and they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning the lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for us all

I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend:| I run for life
And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers
Running for more
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for hope
I run to feel
I run for the truth
For all that is real
I run for your mother your sister your wife
I run for you and me my friend:| I run for life
Ohohohoh
I run for your mother your sister your daughter your wife
I run for you and me my friend:| I run for life

Just keeping it interesting

No shit

I just don't even know where to begin. Lets start with what makes me mad then we can get to what pisses me off part. I went to the plastic surgeon today. I actually wasn't too nervous because I needed them to look at my scars. They are red, swollen, painful and just not right. I knew something had to be done because my Patrick Fuller couldn't do much more with the massaging they hurt horrible. He even tried a little cupping, OUCH!!!  I am not a wimp I'm a lot of other things but not a wimp. So she decided to try injections, great a needle!  She did about 7 pricks and wow fucking wow. My eyes watered, I felt nothing but nerve pain. I know you are saying "but you can't feel anything" it's not the same it's more like pain in the skin. She wanted to do more but I physically couldn't handle it. I know wimp, pansy, wuss call me whatever that shit hurt. I am not to touch or massage the area for over a week, ha it hurts so bad right now there is no way in hell I am touching it. Tom better not even think about it. So if that doesn't work maybe laser or surgery to fix the scars but first we need to figure out what's going on with these implants. I'm sorry come again....

For weeks I have been bitching these implants have been in my arm pits, they have been choking me, didn't feel right, looked too fake but I blew it off because it must just be how it is supposed to be. They are fake boobs after all they aren't meant to be real BUT my PS is the man for boobs and these aren't comfortable. I even thought about not having any taking them out completely that is how uncomfortable they are.

Well guess what .... They are not right. They are shifting to my arm pits, they are "dimpling" at the right breast, you can actually see/feel the implant and they are too rounded not sitting right. So bye fucking bye! Yup you heard me another surgery. They are coming out before I have arm pit boobs, who the hell wants those except circus freaks (no comments here!) September 20 I just can't believe it. I could leave it but really they are not right and shifting, who wants that! Easy cancer my left tit! there is no such thing. Are you glad I am done? I swear if you say that to me I will clock you and by clock I mean punch directly in the face even if I have to stand on a stool. 

Back to the drawing board. I'm a work in progress. Under construction. Being a mess is exhausting. All I can can say is this will require some bad ass heels, this princess is think Jimmy! Or Christian! Or Tory! So many options. 

Time to honor the daddy-o's

First let me say that my heart goes out to all those who are missing their fathers today. I know your pain all too well. These made up holidays suck. It is crazy how a Hallmark holiday can make you so sad. I will not say all those stupid comments like "enjoy your kids", "remember the good times" or it gets easier. All that crap is just crap when your heart hurts. Losing someone especially a parent is hard and really doesn't get easier. Second I am sorry that this post is about a made up holiday but my dad is awesome so I have to. 

My father is far from perfect, way far. Our whole life he has been an emotional basket case. He thinks and acts with his emotions before calming down. But the truth is he has taught us to have emotions not to be cold heart jerks who don't know how to feel.  He loves completely sometimes making it hard to discipline his wild children. Car crashes, boy chasing, pot smoking, fights, teeth knocked out, drunks, sneaking out, dropping out, breast cancer, divorces you name it we got. Believe me this wasn't all me I have never been divorced! I don't think we were ever grounded, ever and believe me we should have been. What he has taught us is to love our children no matter what they are going through. He taught us to be there for them and stand by their side with nothing but love. We  didn't  grow up rich but boy we never wanted for a thing my father always put our needs first. Sure we all should have had major therapy after my mom died but the love he gave us  while he was suffering got us through. There is the one thing he did that was vital to who we are now is he loved our mother. There is this saying "The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother", my dad did that beyond words. Beyond the regular love, beyond the simple "I love you". He showed us love and respect really that is what you need most in life that is what you need to give! I don't think this love comes around a lot but he had it and that love reflected on us. It is the one thing I can never fault him for. I think that is why he can love Deb too, he has a lot of love to give. Just ask any of our friends who all consider him a dad. Better yet ask Tom, Karen or Jon if they use the term "father-in-law" or just father.

 

As a grandfather he is perfect!!! Anthony wrote a card the other day and it said.  "You are the greatest grandfather that ever there was", honestly he is. If you ask Matt he will tell you just that, ask Nicole and she will confirm. Jess will only brag even more and Lowell will add to it. Ben will tell you how awesome he is and it will be the only time him and Sam agree. Julian will tell you he was the one who told Anthony that Pa is their Pa and he is all they need. He comes to soccer, track, swim, volleyball, concerts everything. He does it because he wants to not because he has to. Everyone knows and loves Pa because he is the ultimate grandfather. Our children are so spoiled and lucky. The best thing is they know that he is awesome and love him right back. We have the coolest family don't hate, hahahah.

I have to end this with my husband as a dad. We have totally different parenting styles I am a yeller he is not. But like my dad he loves our boys and does it unconditionally and believe me they are royal  pains. The real thing is  like my father he love his wife. Is it a perfect love, no but it's real and solid. I hope one day my boys see the love their father gives me and gives it to their partner. If they ever leave us that is.  I hope they treat them like royalty just like my knight treats his princess. Well, most of the time!

 

 

Scared for life forever empowered

This blog post has been in my head which is a scary place for a while now, maybe even since the day I was DX. I need for those who do not “get it” to maybe really see it. Cancer changes you there is no doubt. The changes are physical and emotional which make for a very intense journey. It takes your body and mutilates, deforms, scars and transforms it into a foreign being.  It takes what you knew to be you and makes it into someone else. It is really like living in someone else's body. I cannot express to you how scary this is to live in a body you don't know or can even feel. Wrapped up not knowing to what to expect is so frightening. I was in shock and needed to see what the doctors only tell you yet never show. They show you what you those great pictures of what you  will look like after but never during. I sought out webpages like Scar Project to show me what was going to happen to me. I was empowered by these women and their strength. I needed to see their scars, tears and support to see I was going to heal.  I found Kerry Mansfield and cried hard. I was talking to Alissa at 1am and freaking out that my body was going to do that! How can this be happening? How was I going to be ok? I was scared yet comforted by these images. It took the unknown out of the picture for me.  She was still standing, she was alive and she was stronger now. I had no idea what was going to happen after this but these pictured helped me beyond words. When Genevieve Fridley took them it was helping me even then. We had no idea what we were going to do with them or if we would ever show them. I kept thinking of the images I saw and how they helped me, could these pictures help others? “My Journey Through the Lumps” was then created. Over 550 people came to see all the graphic, uncensored pictures and we raised over $12,000.00. Who would have thought?  I was vulnerable revealing myself like that yet I felt powerful too. I wanted people to see what the real side to cancer was, I wanted them to see the pain because I didn't "look sick". I am lucky that Genevieve isn't just an amazing photographer but one of my best friends. My girlfriend Karen looked at me and said “I had no idea what you went through”. That was exactly the message I want to send. You can slap a pink ribbon on breast cancer and call it awareness but that is not what cancer is about. I love PINK just love it, boas, ribbons, sparkly things that are pink, tattoos that have ribbons all of it. I am what is behind that image. This is life, this is my life. Facebook called these images pornographic/offensive and wanted them removed. Seriously?? There are images and pages on there that are over the top crude and beyond offensive yet they are still up and not getting any attention. My friend Sarcastic Boob was not going to stand for this. She made up a petition and urged people to sign it. Through Change.org over 20,000 people agreed! Facebook saw the importance of this and overturned it. The news spread yesterday and ABC posted an article. This is the movement I wanted from the day I posted my first picture. I am proud to be apart of this yet at the same time pissed people still are telling me these images are pure nudity. I just can not wrap my head around that. There is such an intense reality to the change in my body. I try on my clothes and they don’t fit the same. It isn't just the weight that I have gained because of cancer, nothing like losing body parts yet gaining 20 pounds. It is about the scars that hurt so badly, the alien body that is now mine and the loss of feeling in my breasts. I do not feel sexy or sexual, cancer changed that. Having a full hysterectomy did not help. I feel like a hollow woman with no feeling in her breasts. When the boys are asleep at night and Tom is snoring next me I cry, a lot. I hate what cancer has done to my body and my friends. I cry because there was nothing I can do about it. I am healing and that is a long process these images are showing that the scars take time to heal it doesn’t happen overnight. They also show strength, courage and power. Not porn, never porn. Healing is what the images show and anyone that thinks otherwise is a dumb ass. Thank you Facebook, David Jay, Scorchy Barrington and all the woman who live with these scars. This is what the pink ribbon should be about, this is awareness, this is LIFE. It is now my reality and I am making a difference with my pink breast friends next to me. This to me proves that stupid dumb breast cancer will never have me! After all my tiara didn’t fall off once, I remain a princess with a pink boa and stilettos and a whole different look on life.