I can sit here and type about how cancer effect me emotionally and physically. I can tell you how it stressed out Tom, worried my dad, freaked my family and friends and changed my kids. But I can not explain in detail what they felt. Every family feels cancer that is just a fact, especially kids. Fact is kids are selfish by nature not in a mean way they learn over time to thin of others (yes I know some are giving right off the bat but come on not all). Cancer makes it hard for kids to get out of their little world and think about their parents. When I was diagnosed my son Ben then 12 was hit hard- he was in the midst of teenage years, fitting in, being a selfish child and well honestly he hates sickness even a cold he runs the other way. Add the fact he was the oldest made it a lot was riding on him. He acted out which made me so sad because Ben and I were so close.
It was through writing I learned that Ben was angry. Not at me really but since I had cancer that was where it was directed. Cancer is not a thing to touch or see or feel and really who would want to? So in turn kids especially take it out on the adult with cancer. Once we realized this with Ben we worked through it and it all made sense to both of us. I remember once in the hospital I was so mad cause he wanted to leave to go to a friends, I wanted to see him. I cried when he left. It wasn't until I read the reason for him hating the hospital that it was clear to me.
When Cure Diva asked for a Mother's Day post a little different then the regular type they asked for Ben's point of view. He said sure and we posted. It went over great. So great that Marie Claire posted it on the web, beyond exciting right? I thought so until I got some emails and saw the bigger picture. People were emailing telling that now they understood why their children where lashing out, it made sense. One women had her son read it and he was crying telling her "Mom he wrote what I feel". Another said that her daughter was so angry she was not speaking to her and wasn't coming to the hospital, her daughter has OCD too and now it clear why. See Ben's writing was validating these kid's feelings, he was showing them that they are not alone. And it was helping parents see that kids are effected my this frigging disease no matter how we try to shelter them. I am blown away this morning. I literally can not answer all the emails, which proves to me that this MUST be read by parents and kids. Please share it, I am sure you know someone just like Ben feeling his feelings too. Yes I am a proud momma right now, it may last all day this time.