Sometimes I go about my day and the thought of my mom never enters my mind. Lately, she is nonstop. There are times in a child’s life that they just need their mother. I was so lucky growing up to have 2 amazing Grandmothers, a sister, a godmother, a big brother, a dad like no other, Aunts who went beyond their role, my mother’s friends who took me in, and friend’s mothers who made it their duty to treat me like a daughter (Momma Lorraine you always make me feel like a daughter). Because of all of them, I was so filled with love that it was easy to get past the loss. Through a LOT of therapy I learned to become who I am, knowing that I was just like her and to stand proud. Yes, sometimes the loss is intense but you learn to get used to it. Anyone who says “you will get over it” is full of shit and does not know what they are saying. You never get used to a losing a loved one, you just learn how to cope.
My mother died just a few weeks after my 1st birthday. It doesn’t make my loss harder or less than my sister or brother, it just makes it my loss. I grew to love the woman in this picture without ever even knowing her; a mother’s love is that strong. During my journey with stupid dumb breast cancer the loss of her has been the biggest challenge. Some days it would be so great to have her, but I do not let myself go there. I remember that in some capacity she is in my life, she is here. I am told she was a fierce, opinionated, strong willed, out-spoken, hard ass of a woman. HMMMMMMM……I think we may have butted heads, A LOT!