|I do think my children should bow before their Queen! LOL|
I do not know how to lie about my activism because I am way too passionate about it. I cannot hide my desire to raise awareness and change the image of breast cancer. I want all the whispers of cancer to be shouts, I want the scars to be worn as proud marks of a warrior, I want a CURE. I can however make shit up about me. The only problem is that somethings that are true people will think are lies.
I never thought that there would be so much hate in our world. I cannot believe the bombings in Boston or the shooting in Connecticut. I cannot believe that there is such evil this world that we are trying to raise children. It is so strange to me that evil exists like this. Taking away someone else’s life is not something I understand. The pain after for these families must be traumatic, I wish I understood that.
I never thought of myself as an activist. When I was 16 my BFF and I decided to be cool we would go vegetarian. We were so cutting edge back then. For like the 1st year we would sneak meatballs and burgers, closet eaters for sure or maybe it was the pot. Either way we stopped eating meat and were so hip or weird to many. Then in college I was a nanny for an animal rights family and I decided to ramp up my coolness. I looked up companies that tested on animals and banned them. I got rid of my leather and went au natural. I showed my friends videos of animals being slaughtered and urged them to stop. Tom took his last bite of an under cooked burger on Valentine’s Day. Then I realized I really liked leather shoes, a LOT. So I eased up on the radical animal rights but remain a veggie girl. Really because I think meat tastes like skin to me and makes me feel like a cannibal.
I never thought I would get cancer because I am literally never sick. I hardly go to the doctor, as a matter of fact I think the only one I see the most is my OB/GYN but crap I had 4 kids in a row. I hate the doctors, I feel like when you go you leave sicker than you came. I actually hate the dentist more, honestly haven’t been to the dentist in years they freak me out. I can get a tattoo but dentist NO FRIGGIN way!! I have an actual panic attack; I even make Tom take the boys.
I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. NEVER ever did I think I would have 4 kids let alone boys! I pictured 2 kids and the first was always a girl named Grace. I went to school for forensic psychology, I wanted a career. I didn’t want to be scrubbing toilets, driving around, doing loads of laundry; I really wanted to work in a crime lab, I wanted to be Quincy!! For you very young people it was a show on TV about a forensic psychologist before all this CSI and Criminal Minds crap.
I never thought my life would be where it is but you never do right? We all have this picture in our heads of what we think life will be like. If only we could remove that image and just live the life we have and really LIVE IT! Stop judging ourselves for what we don’t do and start loving ourselves for what we do. I am a better person because stupid dumb cancer taught me this and that is the only thing I am glad about.
I really wanted to tell lies about pole dancing, smoking pot, stealing cars, watching a friend die, being a cheerleader, marching in DC for woman's rights, being in fists fights, taking off to New Orleans at 18, volunteering at a retirement village, or working in a funereal home but they all seemed like too big of lies. Or are they lies???