Pink Party Time

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

What are you aware of? When you walk into the Dollar store and you see that cardboard display of pink crap do you think “well this will save a life”?  Hey everyone news flash …..

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK YOUR BREASTS. GET MAMMOGRAMS AND TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT THE RISKS!

There you now do not have to buy any crap and you know that you need to check yourself. But what else do you know? What is the awareness in that ribbon? It is not just self-breast checks and mammos but that is what they want us to think. It is not a pink party but that they push too. 

How about knowing that you may lose your job, your spouse may leave you, you become depressed, some hate their body after, reconstruction can fail, and it sucks! There is nothing positive about breast cancer or cancer NOTHING it is cancer people! Who ever thought that was a thing to be happy through cancer?? I am so confused by that. People want us to be happy, about what? Having our breasts amputated? Is chemo a puke party? Maybe having your skin burned for 33 days is so positively awesome. Wait it must be having a Stage 4 diagnosis, that must be where the fun is at? Now do not get me wrong having a good attitude is one thing but let that person choose when do not shame them into when they should be feeling it. They can be pissed, happy, mad, depressed what the hell ever it is a cancer roller coaster. 

My point? It is ok to be negative this sucks, every step (except that you get to read my blog that is great right?) But companies have taken it upon themselves to market the hell out our cancer, they are selling our disease for profit while we are suffering. I do not know about you but I do not see a penny of that pink ribbon crap, did you? Why are we letting them? Why do we sit back and let them market this while we are still being diagnosed, still dying? 

Did you see gold last month for Pediatric Cancer? Or did you even know Liver Cancer was this month? Who was talking about Mental Health Awareness Month last month? And how many will be wearing purple for Pancreatic Cancer? Why.. because Breast Cancer is marketable! All that “save the tatas”, “Save second base” bullshit. Makes it fun and sexy because Breast Cancer is so much fun and sexy, ummmmm sorry to burst your pink balloon but it is not!  Did it dawn on anyone that slogan sexy crap totally discredits the males that get breast cancer? The fact that over 400 men will die this year from breast cancer should make us turn our heads and want a change.

I was told I should be ashamed of myself for being “negative” and not seeing the other side. Well, screw that! I am not just pissed off they are selling my cancer as a marketing tool I am pissed that my friend who is 15 has DIPG gets only 4% of funding and freaking no attention to a disease that is killing kids, kids! While we market breast cancer because it has to do with breasts! Get over the boob obsession people.. EFF that (watching my language cause my 12-year-old is reading this as I type). I am pissed that every time someone buys some pink crap and thinks they are doing good they are getting lied to while my friend Beth is dying. And truth be told I have a 1 in 3 chance of being metastatic. Those odds suck but keep buying that pink crap.

I will say it again ….I LOVE PINK! Love it, I want to bath in it. For the record, I love when my family and friends wear something like an SDBC shirt or something pink and they do it to support me because they too know what we went through and the truth with the ribbon. I have a pink ribbon tattoo on my foot. But I know very well what is behind that pink ribbon, don’t you want to know too?

I love PINK

The color you jack asses! Pink is a color that is all nothing more nothing less. It is not meant to cure shit or doing anything more than be a color that you either like or do not. Unfortunately breast cancer took the color and made it into a marketing game, a money making profit off our cancer. Yes, it did do not try to deny it. They took a simple color and made anything from pens to garbage cans to vibrators to KFC buckets. Then they took the pink shit and made it sexy cause breast cancer is so erotic. NOT!!  How does taking your bra off for breast cancer do anything for us who can not even wear one because it is too freaking painful!!!???

You take a month like "Pinktober" and you think great time to educate, tell stories, raise money for research and none of that happens. It is all pink ribbons and happy celebrations and selling a bunch of plastic crap. I know that is all the celebrations are fabulous and should not be ignored and not what I am suggesting. Here is a thought what about those awesome stories of those who were given 2 years to live and are going on 5 or how about the men who get breast cancer or maybe talk to someone who lost their job because of this freaking disease and listen to how they plan to get on their feet again! There is a whole culture that is being ignored just because they do not fit the pretty pink ribbon, I say we untie that and listen to their stories! Wouldn't be amazing if all cancers got together and entwined their stories, how powerful that would be?

I actually believe that we can use the pink ribbon to talk about all this but society has screwed it up so bad that we become too divided. We as a culture only want to see a smiling woman saying "I DID IT" I am cured she elludes while she is dressed in head to toe in my beautiful pink color. While the reality is that is probably has PTSD, scars she cries about, friends she has lost, fears that her cancer will come back (30% change it will FYI) and that she is changed because of cancer. The sexy ads are honestly for me the worse, it makes me so angry that I go crazy. That image puts a nasty pink vomit taste in many people's mouth, a sexy gorgeous women who clearly did not have breast cancer in a super sexy bra saying "do you do a self breast check". Take a minute and understand why that is so offensive. When you make this sexy or trivial in ads and promotions it makes the disease less serious in so many people's eyes therefore people can not heal the right way. We are struggling with the loss of our sexy and media is shoving breast cancer sex down our throats, what the fuck are they thinking?? AND research is not handled right as a result because they can not sell research as "sexy" or pretty pink ribbony crap, you dig?

Breast cancer is never not even for one single moment happy or pretty. It is scary as fuck, it scars you both physically and mentally for life. It takes your body and mutilates it so bad you your self esteem is altered so bad that affects even your desire for sex with the person who has loved and supported you through all this. Breast cancer takes your hormones and rips them out and demolishes you which in turn makes most so depressed they can not see straight. This all happens so fast you can not even put it to words until you are years out and by then your loved ones want you to "move on" yet you are still in doctor appointments, FOR LIFE. Explain how that can be tied in a perfect pink ribbon?

So, while I get that this month is supposed to raise awareness it is simply done wrong there is no denying it. If we could all find ways to get through this month and really open the chapters to NEW discussion what a month it would be. We all know about mammo, self breast checks right? But tell a dude about this maybe he does not know. Tell a story about someone with metastatic cancer and how she or he is LIVING through their DX. Talk about triple neg or inflammatory. Or maybe discuss one one the many points above and how you think we could change or help someone in the middle of this. The point is that the shit we are doing is not working right?! What are we racing for? I am so confused. But that is the next post trust me there is a story there. I am all for the sisterhood  the bonding is what we need to get through this and being proud of yourself. I am not for selling this disease to make a buck and there is a difference and there is harm if you do not watch it. I ask that before you buy anything think about it and maybe find another way to show support and love because most pink crap isn't cure shit right? Not everything goes to real research you have to know what you are buying. Unless it is a pink tiara then please do and send it my way!

Look I just want my freaking color back. I want to wear pink and not have someone say " oh do you support breast cancer?"

"Why Yes I donated two and so much more!"

Save the Boobie.....How about save the PERSON

Save the boobies

Save the Tatas

Save the Headlights

Don't wear a bra to support for those with breast cancer

I was recently quoted in the Daily Orange about these campaigns. Kathryn did a great job in her column but like she said there could have been more but ran out of space. Well I have plenty of space here.  Not going to lie I have used some of those then I got breast cancer and that changed. There is a lot to say about this on all different levels, shall we start at the top?

Doctors appointments, we instantly loose our sexuality at the endless doctor visits where they are poking and scanning and injecting our breasts. We get used to taking our shirts off in those appointments and it has NOTHING to do with "saving second base" and everything to do with saving the person diagnosed. We lose modesty and become robots in this wicked game.  At the moment when you hear those words "I am sorry you have cancer" you are trying to save yourself from death. The doctors make appointments to have your breasts removed, amputated if you will and you want us to think that is sexy? What the hell? We are removing, disfiguring and altering our breasts not saving them. 

When someone goes through a sex change they are put through counseling to make sure they can handle the changes about to happen.  When we are diagnosed with cancer you are lucky if they even discuss talking to someone. When you are "finished" and say you are depressed they wonder why? UMMMM you just took our breasts, sent us through treatment and for many remove uterus/cervix/ovaries and there is not counseling like those who basically have the same things added and removed. Add the fact that cancer is involved  and let me tell you  we are not thinking about "saving the boobies" we are worried about finding our self in this mess and saving us. How degrading to us that it is made sexual?

Here is a thought when you make this about women you alignment this group that gets breast cancer too, MEN! We have a male population getting breast cancer and we advertise this as women's disease. Men are diagnosed late in stage and dying yet we make this for the "girls". I call bullshit on this. We as a society have embarrassed men so much about getting breast cancer that   they do not even want to discuss this with their doctors. Wake the fuck up people this is 2015 it is time for a change!

The emotional aspect of breast cancer is a huge factor. Reminder breast cancer effects us and our hormones big time. I am not talking about the sexual drive hormones but shit what the hell is my body going through. We are women are beautiful, curvy, smart and powerful then we take off our breasts and remove all that "makes" us girls and expect us to embrace these sexy campaigns? How does that even makes sense?? Do you have any idea how all this change effects our body image? We watch and sob over the loss of our breasts like a death. We loose so much from this and gain a new perspective and sex kitten is not one. Fact our breasts no feeling, nothing! So sexy and wanting to 'save the tatas' is just stupid!

"Go braless to show support for breast cancer", ummm excuse me. Let me start with the fact that most of us can not even wear a bra. The scars hurt, we can not find one that fits, and why bother! Second how the hell does that show support? A sexy ad with a tiny girl taking her bra off is not breast cancer awareness it is taking your damn bra off! There is no education in that campaign at all. Did we forget that people die from this? How disrespectful! Did you know this ad comes out every year on the one day Metastatic cancer is highlighted?

Which brings me to my biggest point! Those with metastatic breast cancer are not saving their boobs, they are dying and trying desperately to save themselves. Could society be more disgusting and disrespectful to this dying group? There will be 516,000 deaths as a result of mets and we think ads like "save the headlights" are helping? No they are not-they are muddling the voices that need to be heard. The metastatic community needs all of us to stand together and say "SAVE THE PERSON". Those with metastatic cancer need our voice, they need to be heard loud.

Breast cancer is not tied in a pretty pink ribbon. It  is filled with anger, pain, side effects, mixed with love and support from those who care and sometimes death-sex ads have no room in this. We need to stop this ridiculous campaigns and use the best ad we have, US! Show the men and women that had breast cancer, show the pain the scars, the truth. How empowering to those DX, how validating and real would that be? Maybe if we took the time to remove the sexual connotation  of this non-sexual disease and focused on those dying and hurting we could actually get somewhere! A wise friend recently said if we stop those from dying and control the metastatic community we could actually get somewhere. She is right and I know CJ would never try to take my tiara. That is not sexy it is just me, the new after cancer and before me!

The last thought is this Dr. Susan Love quote. Stop thinking of cancer patients as success stories when we can only think of us as who we were and how we ave changed. Maybe if we start there we would remove this sexual  crap that seems to "sell" such a painful disease.  Time to start seeing the difference breast cancer does to us and not making it about the degrading part that we are not getting back.

Dr. Susan Love on the collateral damage of cancer: “As physicians, we look at patients with cancer and compare them with people who have died, and pat ourselves on the back because they are alive. But as the patient, you are comparing yourself to how you were before you were treated for cancer. That is the big difference"