I guess I was kid that dreamed of being a mom maybe because I grew up without one. But the truth be told between my dad, my godmother, my grandmother and my aunts and all my girlfriend's moms I had so many amazing role models I was set. I can not complain. I have made a decision this mother's day to focus all energy on these 4 humans I call my sons. Hell I carried them for 9 months (well approximately since Ben was premature, Sam was on time, Anthony was a little late and Jules was way late but you get it). They are what taught me about motherhood. Honestly most of it is crap! Now let me first state that breast cancer taught them a hard lesson and they really rose above it. They were robbed of an innocent part of their childhood but took it in and learned from it which I as their momma am so proud. They saw cancer through my eyes and from that know that everyone is fighting some sort of battle that they know nothing about in turn as taught them to be a little kinder. Now let's talk about what they taught me.
I remember when my siblings and cousins would have babies and I would hold those infants awwww so cute. They really are cute for a reason you know it makes it harder to lose it at first. I was the ultimate babysitter, what a crock. Even becoming a nanny (that is another story they are really my first children). But being a mom teaches you so much. Like the fact from day one you can never ever go to the bathroom alone again, NEVER. I have learned just how loud I can yell and actually how much patience I have. Really I do not spank but boy I have come close, I learn to walk away. That you lose all privacy even as a mom of 4 boys they see my space as their own little get away. There is no one in the house that can ever find anything even if it is in the room right there except mom. If there is ANY question being asked I mean even one like "is dad driving me to school?" only mom can answer that. Being a mom taught me that no matter what is needed it has to be given by mom if dad tries to do it he will fail even though he did it just like mom. I can not by any means ever leave the house even if it is for a walk around the block, they need to know when I will be back and will I be quick but dad can go out any time. Driving back from a 4 hour car trip my 13 year old asks as I am unloading the snack bag "Did you do the laundry?", see being a mom also taught me how to do laundry while driving a car 4 hours from one state to the next being nowhere near my washer and dryer!! Being a mom taught me that while I love them bedtime is the best part of the day. That silence is truly golden. Their laughter is fabulous but it usually means they are beating on each other and I will hear "MOOOOMMMMMM" very soon. Being a mom has taught me that Tom and I can never have a conversation without being interrupted with some dumb commented. Being a mom taught me that while I saw and felt that doctor cut the umbilical cord I know for a fact these kids are still attached to me. I have learned that a smack upside the head is ok and duct tape is a legal form of punishment.
So many people say to me "just wait until they are grown you will miss them" or the "they grow so fast". No not really. I think them growing up is fantastic. They are turning into these semi independent beings that want to explore the world, well not Ben he says he won't leave because who will cook or do his laundry for him (I got plans to alter that real soon!!). I want to watch them be kind and make good choices yet I know that wont always be true. The fact is they will screw up, they do now. Being a mom has taught me the hard part of motherhood is watching them do just that. They have to learn from their mistakes and me as their mom I want them to. I want them to own up to their bad choices and come out of them with their head held high and not do it again but that won't always happen. I want them to be good I could careless if it is right for society as long as it is good for them. They have taught me that they will be the person they are and I have as their momma accepted that and I love them just like that, simply love their silly monkey butts. They may not be doctors or scientist they maybe clerks or push a broom but if they are happy then they win and as a mom so do I. Better yet if they move out I WIN. Cause ultimately that is my goal. See I embarrass the hell out of them so at 18 they move out, explore, see what life as to offer. So they take chances, make others happy, make themselves happy and so they just let me pee by myself.
I will always be their momma, mommy, MOMMMMMMMMMM. They will continue to teach me how to be a mom and I will always love them always. . They will grow up and screw up but they will I just know it do it with a kind heart otherwise I will use the strongest duct tape out there. They will hopefully find the loves of their life and unfortunately get their hearts broken (watch out cause I am from the Nort-side and full blooded Italian, just saying). They will forever shine my tiara and I will forever embarrass them. They will forever and ever be my boys, who have changed Mother's day for me.