we don't get over we get through

I hate when people say "you will get over this", that is a load of crap no matter if it is cancer or death or heart break. If it is real, caused you pain and you suffered then getting over it is something will never happen. I for one never got over my mother's death or any of my friend's passing what I did was I got through it. My girlfriend's son died tragically last year and that was the first thing I said to her "you will get through this" never over. How can you get over something that changed your life 180 degrees?


The reality is cancer never for a second lets us get over it. For those of you just starting out don't freak I swear it gets better but the fact is it is always somewhere lurking to remind you. Sometimes it comes up with maybe a sharp pain in your chest, doc calls it phantom pains I call him a LIAR that is real pain right there. Or it maybe a friendly reminder with that doctor appointment that you have to go to every 6 months, add the scans and blood work every other 6 months with a little scananiexty and BAM right back in. How can you get over something you are in? Is it ever out  of your head I mean really out of your head? No but you have to find a way to push through it to get to that new place of normal.

Getting over something means you do not have to deal with it but every time you get dressed there you are naked truth of what happened months, years, weeks or whatever before. For me with my wonderful keloid raised scars, lymphedema, and cording I am dealing daily with the physical reminders of what I cancer is telling me to "get over". It is my job to push pass these stupid dumb obstacles. And it is not easy these reminders of how cancer changed our lives, what we can not do any more. How it altered our body and distorted our views of our self. But we must push through and adjust our mind, body and even our spirit to this new life.

I know that my family and friends are sick of the complaints of pain and don't really get the scan nervousness for that I turn to my cancer friends. I swear I would be lost without an email from Seporah, a text from Lisa or Jaime, a tweet or an IG post from all my pink sisters and do not get me started with Facebook messages. We lost two sisters this week and their death hit us all hard. I sat here and cried for two women I only "met" through the cyber world but I loved, connected with and considered family. My cancer family was crushed. They get it. How do we "get over" that? Can we just get on after losing such amazing friends? No way but we must push through to a new day. Together we must send love, light and raise the middle finger to cancer because I do not have a cure! They are there for the push and sometimes I do mean they are trying to push me right off the road into the fast lane. They know when to give a shove or pull back they can tell cause they have been there. They are getting through themselves not getting over anything.

So saying "get over it" is dumb. You get over a fence or a stream but cancer oh hell no. When you have deep scars, death of friends, side effects, insomnia, weight gain, muscle loss, physical pain, hair loss, hair growth in friggin bad places, toe nails falling off, mishappen boobs, numbness....how can you get over? Then there are those fabulous moments when you have a "cancer free" day, hour, 3 hours. You go about your business and then you realize that you are free of this crap, but then your arm swells cause you pulled a hang nail and your lymphedema activated. SHIT!  But you straighten your tiara, slide your pretty bedazzled sleeve up, smile, put a dab of gloss on and say

"Don't tell me what to do! I am getting through this my way"