It just hit me you have breast cancer

Design by Margret
Says my girlfriend who has been with me every step of the way, dumb ass DUH! You know when you need to be injected with radioactive dye, how you bring along a cancer research scientist friend to help and she makes fun of you the whole friggin time?? What that's not normal? Well neither is being injected with dye to make you glow but that was my day. Just walking into Nuclear Medicine was a a joke, really that's the name of the room. Receptionist "who did you bring with you?", me "my bitch". It was comedy relief from there. The nurse and nuclear doctor (how does one aspire to be that type of doc) were very nice. The nurse had more sense of humor than the doctor for sure. I tempted her with jello shots to join Cure or Bust next year and left with her email, hell yes! She played along as MC asked if I should ride in the back and even offered to give her an injection for shits and giggles. Let us first discuss the table to which I sat, picture a diving board, now cut it in half! I had to ask "what if I was a fat ass?". I mean I got a small butt and it was hanging over! The doctor started the procedure by saying "this will burn a little" to which I replied "so you know this from experience?", no he said! Well how the fuck do you know was my reply! The first side not so bad lots of scar tissue there from lumpectomy so it hurt but shit I 4 kids so doable. Left side, WOW! A little like battery acid dripping into your veins. Burn a little my ass more like a smack! Then the nurse massaged my boobs to get the dye flowing, felt pretty good for a nurse. We waited for the dye to get to work then it was picture time. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic? So I really enjoyed 30 minutes of being in a box. The good news it worked and I light up like the 4th of July! The doc came back in with his vibrator, I mean wand and waved it,chhhhhhhvvvrrrrrr it went, I held back my jokes there.  He marked the spot and I was on my way. I asked if I would go off under metal detectors, she said no but you cant leave the country, DAMN I was heading to Iraq. We stopped for lunch, a homeless man asked us for just "75 cents", I said "ya dropped something", his dime bag fell out. I then came home where I found a fabulous pair of shoes on my doorstep, Margret rocks no doubt. The shoes helped since I threw up and feel so dizzy. Good times here. Stupid dumb breast cancer you are really boring me. SO tomorrow you will be gone, you have no powers here, BLAHAHAHAHAHAH (evil witchy laugh). Tom will blog and update, he will channel my witty humor no worries. He doesn't swear as much so it will be G rated. I have my boxing gloves on and sparkly shoes ready for tomorrow.Change is all I can think about not just my body but how my whole being.  I will emerge a fabulous butterfly, colorful, full of life and a little sparkle in the wings. This change is big and I am looking forward to spreading my wings and soaring.
It was hilarious you should have been there!
Posted on July 19, 2012 .