Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer with a dash of MS

Keep smiling, keep shining. Knowing you can always count on me, for sure'. Cause I tell you, that's what friends are for. Whoa, good times and the bad times. I'll be on your side forever more. That's what friends are for

 WEGO Health Day 19……Post a vintage photo of yourself, with a caption about the photo and where you were in terms of your health condition.


1986, top of the world and so full of health, or so we thought. Too bad we were drinking, smoking and sneaking out like to good Catholic school girls to realize what we were doing to our bodies. We didn’t think about health issues, but we were in our minds healthy. Then again when you are 14 who cares what you are like at 40! We were eating crap, I mean Pat’s pizza was so yum back then. Exercise?? LOL if you call crossing Teal Ave to sneak to the mall to met boys a work out then sure. Don’t even get me started on alcohol consumption, crème de Mint was our choice (sorry dad!). Sneaking cigarettes at Marble Farms, YUK what were we thinking. Ok, I will give ya the pot smoking, that was the only healthy thing we did! Our health was not a concern only boys, cheerleading and boom boxes, but we were healthy right? I wonder if our story starts here, did it all begin when we were 14?

Now were dumb back then but then as we got older we smartened up. Started exercising like mad, have you seen Tracy’s guns!? Eating healthy, even went vegetarian (she is a meat eater now but ALL natural). We even found a way to keep our mind healthy, therapy yes but just thinking a little kinder does wonders. So is the joke on us that 4 years ago she is diagnosed with MS, then me with breast cancer?? I mean come on. WE ARE THE HEALTHY ONES!! I must say that since we were both DX we have made an even more conscience effort to be even more healthy. I wonder if our 14 year old selves would have eaten and exercised like our 40 year old selves? I am just happy that after 35 years of friendship some bumpy roads and a lot of health issues we can still be here for each other, after all that’s what friends are for?

*** disclaimer if Mrs. Taylor is reading this it was all my idea to cross Teall Ave, Tracy was wanting to cross Court St!

2012 healthy as 2 MS, cancer fighting beauties!

“What’s wrong?”

letting it out

letting it out

• WEGO Health Day 18….. Write about a time that you lashed out at someone close to you because of frustration/fear/anger resulting from your health condition and you wish you could take it back. Forgive yourself and let it go.
• On the flip side, write about a time that someone said something to you that they wished they could take back. Did you forgive them? Why or why not?

“What is wrong?” asks Tom. Really I thought that is what you are saying?? The day I went in to get my drains removed I was told only 2 were coming out. I was so pissed. Tom asked that to me and I lost it. EVERYTHING was wrong, how could you ask such a stupid question. I have talked about the no crying rule, I made it because if anyone was going to cry it was me and up until this day  I really had not. I had made joke through everything, it was my way of coping. Plus, it was my cancer's not theirs! IT"S MY CANCER AND I WILL CRY IF I WANT TO (hahahah got you singing again). But we were supposed to leave for the Cape in 4 days and I was done coping. I could go to the Cape with them (a friend’s mom is a nurse there and offered to help) but sitting on the beach with deflated breast, drains and no energy was not what I had in mind. I lost it, you know that uncontrollable crying that makes you hyperventilate, snot out of your nose, puffy eyes, tears  that was me. Must say I was not looking that fabulous that day.  I don’t cry like this so for my kids, husband, my girlfriend’s daughters and my girlfriend they didn’t know what to do.

only 2 come out, WTF

I know now Tom was just asking what exactly was I so upset about, but his comment at the time seemed so fucking stupid. I have mother fucking breast cancer is what I wanted to say but there was kids there and I do not swear in front of them (no really I fucking don't I swear). I wanted to scream I have tubes coming out of the sides of my body and I want them out! I have nasty fluid being drained from me and I hate them pure hate. I haven't cooked for my family in weeks and I want to take care of them. I need to feel like a woman and I can not with these god damn drains in. I WANT TO WASH MY HAIR MYSELF.

This was the worst day of the entire journey. It was so sad to me. It was the only time that I felt sorry for myself. I remember Genevieve saying “I am so glad you are letting it out” and that is what I needed to hear that it was ok to scream. Nikki sat there and just looked at me trying to find the silver lining but knew at that moment there was none, I needed that. Tom kept the kids busy yet looked over at me every now and then knowing I needed space, I needed that. MC tried to talk me down but knew all I needed to hear was “FUCK”. The kids were all great just trying to keep it light and wanting me to smile, I needed them.

But the real help came from Nikki’s mom. She looked at me and said “You are not ok, are you?” and hugged me. I NEEDED THAT! I didn’t have my mom there to hug me and tell me it was ok to have a day like this, but I had one that moment. I felt like she was “mom”. She is not a hugger but she hugged me told me something I do not remember then walked away. All I needed was that hug from her the words didn't matter.

I know this was about what people did and did you forgive them but the truth is even though Tom’s comment pissed me off so effin bad that day it also released me. I needed to finally be pissed, To cry like a little girl. To have my friend take care of me. I needed to have a mommy.

WORD UP

WEGO Health Day 17…..Take some time today to go to "http://www.wordle.net/">Wordle  and create a word cloud or tree from a list of words associated with your condition, blog, or interests. Think of it as a collage for your thoughts.  Inspire others with your words in a different way. Bask in the cool waters of the stream of consciousness and express your thoughts about your condition!


I decided to use my blog for words and I love the ones it came up with. I love this site and can not wait to make more. Damn I think I have a new addiction, at least it isn't crack, crack is whack!<

Liar Liar pants on fire….

I do think my children should bow before their Queen! LOL

WEGO HEALTH DAY 16...Tell us 3 things that are true about you, your condition, or your Health Activism.  Tell us 1 lie. Will we be able to tell the difference? I started this like 10xs….

 I do not know how to lie about my activism because I am way too passionate about it. I cannot hide my desire to raise awareness and change the image of breast cancer. I want all the whispers of cancer to be shouts, I want the scars to be worn as proud marks of a warrior, I want a CURE. I can however make shit up about me. The only problem is that somethings that are true people will think are lies.

I never thought that there would be so much hate in our world. I cannot believe the bombings in Boston or the shooting in Connecticut. I cannot believe that there is such evil this world that we are trying to raise children. It is so strange to me that evil exists like this. Taking away someone else’s life is not something I understand. The pain after for these families must be traumatic, I wish I understood that.

 I never thought of myself as an activist. When I was 16 my BFF and I decided to be cool we would go vegetarian. We were so cutting edge back then. For like the 1^st year we would sneak meatballs and burgers, closet eaters for sure or maybe it was the pot. Either way we stopped eating meat and were so hip or weird to many. Then in college I was a nanny for an animal rights family and I decided to ramp up my coolness. I looked up companies that tested on animals and banned them. I got rid of my leather and went au natural. I showed my friends videos of animals being slaughtered and urged them to stop. Tom took his last bite of an under cooked burger on Valentine’s Day. Then I realized I really liked leather shoes, a LOT. So I eased up on the radical animal rights but remain a veggie girl. Really because I think meat tastes like skin to me and makes me feel like a cannibal.

 I never thought I would get cancer because I am literally never sick. I hardly go to the doctor, as a matter of fact I think the only one I see the most is my OB/GYN but crap I had 4 kids in a row. I hate the doctors, I feel like when you go you leave sicker than you came. I actually hate the dentist more, honestly haven’t been to the dentist in years they freak me out. I can get a tattoo but dentist NO FRIGGIN way!! I have an actual panic attack; I even make Tom take the boys.

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. NEVER ever did I think I would have 4 kids let alone boys! I pictured 2 kids and the first was always a girl named Grace. I went to school for forensic psychology, I wanted a career. I didn’t want to be scrubbing toilets, driving around, doing loads of laundry; I really wanted to work in a crime lab, I wanted to be Quincy!! For you very young people it was a show on TV about a forensic psychologist before all this CSI and Criminal Minds crap.

I never thought my life would be where it is but you never do right? We all have this picture in our heads of what we think life will be like. If only we could remove that image and just live the life we have and really LIVE IT! Stop judging ourselves for what we don’t do and start loving ourselves for what we do. I am a better person because stupid dumb cancer taught me this and that is the only thing I am glad about.

I really wanted to tell lies about pole dancing, smoking pot, stealing cars, watching a friend die, being a cheerleader, marching in DC for woman's rights, being in fists fights, taking off to New Orleans at 18, volunteering at a retirement village, or working in a funereal home but they all seemed like too big of lies. Or are they lies???

Fighting Brave

http://fightingfancy.com/

WEGO Challenge Day 15 ...Comment! Pick someone else’s blog post and write a comment to them. Write that comment as your post for today and link back to them to let them know you were inspired.

Fighting Fancy:

I'm so inspired by how far you have taken these bags. The day you sent mine I was going in for my hysterectomy. The items in the bag were thoughtful and fun. You took your stupid dumb journey through breast cancer and are making it an inspiring helpful empowering journey for others. Heather, you touched me and Jill so much, you inspired us to do Bravery Bags! You are giving hope to warriors and we can not wait to start passing out the bags. I am so happy we connected and I am so proud to call you my warrior sister. I hope everyone takes a minute and checks out your page http://fightingfancy.com/ and helps you in your mission to help others. I use my bag for the gym so every time I work out I see that there is a warrior fighting fancy while I am brave.

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Beauty and Strength

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Beauty and Strength:   Jen Burgess Thompson http://www.amistillagirl.com/   When I was diagnosed a lot of people gave me advice and notes, cards and gifts....

Thank a few of your fellow Health Activists for what they have done. Call them out by name or twitter handle. Share your love. Is the challenge for day 14 from WEGO. 

At first I was gonna shout out to all my friends and make a top ten list (I know I've done it before but it's my blog damn it) but I decided to repost instead. I have so many blogger friends I read daily and I didn't want to piss anyone off (Anne Marie, Ashley, Jeri, Jackie, Erin, Ciel, Anne, Brooken Boobie, Chris don't take it out on me lol).  I want to take a minute and not only thank Jen but to honor her. While you may have forgotten her family is still grieving and I am till thinking of my warrior friend. 

I'm not doing these challenges not  to win an award (but shit I do love a tiara), I'm not doing them so people will think I'm a great writer (Tom is sitting her begging me to spell check) or because it's cool to blog (call me hipster). I am doing this because I need it. I need to release emotions, thoughts and ideas. If I don't the voices in my head start having way too many conversations. So, while you may think I cheated on this one I am not concerned. I am honoring a friend who I think about every day, who I wish didn't take wings, who I know is watching over all us warriors. Who I am thankful I had a chance may it brief to know. I'm thanking her for sharing her journey because it helped me so. 

Plus you know this is my party and I will cry if I want to! Hahahahaahahahahahahaha now you're singing that

SDBC

Write a health acrostic for your condition, hashtag, or username! (acrostic = a poem where every letter of a word serves as the first letter of a word or phrase i.e. DOG = Digs Others’ Gardens)
Seriously WEGO??! LOL

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer

Sometimes
Terrifying things happen.
Understand that 
People are 
In your corner.
Don’t stop believing.
Dare yourself to be
Unstoppable.
Make
Bullets of your
Breasts.
Remember
Everyone has a different
Attitude and 
Shoes!
Times will be
Crazy but use
Anything to make you smile.
Notice how
Cancer doesn’t
Ever take away the 
Real YOU!
 This poem was written with the help of my 10 year old son who is working on poems at school and my 4th grade teacher husband (who loves this stuff)

I talk to my self cause there is no one to talk to

If you could go back in time and talk to yourself (or your loved one) on the day of diagnosis, what would you say? WEGO Day 12

Funny cause I talk to myself all the time, like even when I'm in the store and I think no ones listening I'm that lady. As I read this my house is quiet, 5:30 in the morning does that sometimes, I was already talking to myself. I had this odd picture of myself having coffee with myself, don't call the psych ward just yet.  The breast cancer self is sitting there stunned while the non cancer self won't shut the hell up. 

"Fuck, are kidding me? This sucks? But what are you going to do! You are not CANCER. you are a lot of things it cancer is not one of them. I do not not want the woe is me crap either so get that right out of you head! That's life, so don't start crying now. Well cry right now then get over it. You should know that cancer does not discriminate. It doesn't care that for the past 7 years you have worked hard to fight this beast. Oh they irony is too crazy. So here is what you will do. Get a mastectomy then whatever else they tell you you need in order to deal with this. You are going to fight like the crazy Italian you are and you will take no prisoners. Seriously get yourself under control and don't let this consume you. Your family is going to drive you crazy with love and your friends are going to want to help, let them don't be an idiot. you need these people don't push them away, you would want to help them. Yes,  your screwed from here on in you will be battling, but guess what you are just the average woman with breast cancer. Do something about it! Make something of this damned situation. No dumb ass you won't find a cure you have no ideas how to do that! But you know how to throw a party, so do that. I am not saying that cancer is a party but people love a party so throw one, for breast cancer. Ok look you will be fine, maybe not today or tomorrow but you will be, you're not dead yet so fight. I know you can beat this, you will be stronger because if this and hopefully less bitchy. Ya know I got shit to do, if you need to to talk, text me you know I'm here for you. Look truth is shit happens to good people you aren't that good but you ain't bad either. So straighten that tiara and go get em princess!"

Dontcha wish your doctor was hot like…

Write about your favorite health iPhone app? day 11
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=VsyE2rCW71o&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DVsyE2rCW71o
Ok yes it's completely sexist, but lets just say everyone needs a healthy friendly reminder. Especially one that will grab your attention. If only they were the actual doctors doing the exam. No disrespect to any of mine, but come on!

Or Write about your favorite social network. Do you love Twitter? Facebook? Pinterest? Why? 
I have so many bloggers, tweeters, pincers I love I could never choose one. But I do have a more global one that is just great! You can connect with others with cancer in any easy format. http://www.ihadcancer.com/  I HAD CANCER is set up so you can search your cancer, age, and area. Making it very simple to connect with cancer warriors that best fit you. Questions are asked and answered plus they do guest blogs. I have connected with so many on this sup easy web page.
I hope every checks out both but let’s face it everyone of you ladies and some of you guys, are downloading that Man App!

Semi wordless Wednesday

Why is this picture my favorite? You know I love a list, let me count the ways.

1. It's hours after a long surgery and I'm up. A mastectomy is no joke but this was my easiest to bounce out of anesthesia.
2. It's me and my daddy. I waited to walk until he came back up. He has held my hand my whole life and this was priceless.
3. I'm in some beautiful shoes! My legs look pretty damn good, you gotta love a good stiletto.
4. We both have such smiles of relief on our faces.
5. The nurses were totally freaking out and wouldn't let me walk farther than the door.
6. My dad was holding on so tight he left a mark on my hand.
7. My hair still looks good after surgery, thanks Duke!
8. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, well 2 boobs but still clear nodes!!
9. I look so friggin tall cause my dad is so friggin short.
10. The best part....I have 4 drains hanging from my pjs!!