Proud to call myself a survivor

First, let me start by saying I meet with the oncologist TOMORROW. Until then I do not have any reports back and will hopefully have all that info after the appointment. So stop friggin asking me! A friend just dropped off beautiful flowers (the card read "get better big mouth") and a ton of candy. She asked about chemo and I said I was unsure but hopeful I was in the clear. She told me how great I will look in short hair (perfect thing to say!), to which I said "if I have to go bald all my friends are too". To which she replied "we aren't that good of friends", I needed that truth! I am still cracking up here.

I got the pictures from Genevieve of yesterday. Her artistic eye is unreal. As much as I look like the Bride of Frankenstein she made them beautiful. Wait she made me look beautiful when I feel anything but. I want other breast cancer woman to see me and think "damn breast cancer looks good on her". I want them to know they are not alone, that it hurts like a bitch is scary as hell and looks like a shit (at first, I was promised this is not the outcome and I affirmed that if it was I was suing) but they have people to turn to and lean on that have gone through this. I will add these picture to the tab above and do not click it if you think it's too much. To me it is what it is and I'm proud that I'm fighting hard, OK and a little whinny at times but shit it's stupid dumb breast cancer! I will stand with my head up, shoulders back and high heels on as you look at my road to recovery. I am speechless at these pictures and I think they speak volumes, so brace yourself, there will be no comments. I am keeping my big mouth closed.....

National Tractor Trailer school

I have to tell you that yesterday was the worst day. I woke up feeling pretty good. Sat with the boys as they got ready for the Fay-Man race (Ben won and Sam came in 7th, they are fast from their mother chasing them with a wooden spoon). I chilled while they were gone and watched some good old fashioned "Toddlers in Tiara". They came home so excited about the race and got ready to go to Uncle Tom and Aunt Rosie's. MC stopped by to check my BP, it was good. She just missed her boobless wonder. I was going to take a tub while they were here but I was so lightheaded. They left and the pain slowly set in. Now, I know people say they have a high threshold for pain and they are full of shit. I honestly do, but this pain was unreal. I think the way they get your boobs off is by running a semi over your chest to flatten it. The muscle pain is horrible. I feel like I did 200 push ups, 300 dips and 400 pull ups all at once! I was warned about the pain and how strange you chest feels and they did not lie. My "boobs" feel so funky, I mean what I can feel through the wrapping. I am like that uncle that could take his teeth out and make some crazy noise. My chest is making this swish swish sound and I enjoy showing people as they scream so grossed out. The meds barely touched the pain. I had a mini break down, yeah I am entitled to! I did some really great crying and whining, thank god I have good family and friends that put up with me and gave me tons of words of encouragement. After our Chinese dinner, yes it was Sunday no pasta we are living on the edge here, I sat back in my chair and put my eye patch on. The pain was still intense and I really wanted to shield the boys from it. Did I say Anthony fainted when I came home and he saw the drains?? Passed out cold turkey. I rested for the night while the boys watched Jeff Corwin and Tom did the laundry (pretty good too I may add). I admit I did play the occasional Words With Friends but other than that NOTHING. I do feel better today and I knew I would but getting through yesterday was difficult to say the least.
I am going to the plastic surgeons this morning. I have 4 drains and hopefully he is pulling 2. These suck, they do not hurt but its some nasty ass shit! Amazes me that us mastectomy people go home with these drains and have to deal with them. Like we are not having enough issues we have to empty these bulbs and record it. There is no looking good with 4 bulbs hanging from your dress with red crap in it! MC and Genevieve are taking me and I will say I am nervous. I will See my chest for the first time and wonder how I will take it? I do not care about the boobs being gone because they tried to kill me but the scars and marks will be hard to look at. I am glad I have MC to make some crude jokes and Genevieve to document the chest being unwrapped (plus she is proof how rude that little bitch can be). My day trumps all your boring ass days so do not give me "ugh I have to get the kids from camp, go to Wegman;s, stop at the bank..." shit..................... drains did not come out. Doctor says it looks great, really cause I thought it looked a little like Frankenstein. He was pleased with how my chest was healing and that did make me feel better. MC did her thing and asked questions and Genevieve did her thing and snapped away pictures. I feel better having the gauze off but the ace bandage feels good wrapped on me so I am leaving it. He was a little disappointed I wasn't wearing my heels! The visit wiped me out, which pissed me off. It's Monday and I usually do a full body work out with cardio, yet a trip to the doctor wiped me to. Stupid dumb breast cancer!!!

Blooming

This rose bush was a gift to team captains for Race for the Cure. It bloomed yesterday and made me smile. I believe in symbolism and this one was so clear. This is a sign that life grows, changes and is beautiful. It tells me to stop for a moment and smell the roses. It also tells me the plant is very hardy cause I can kill a silk flower! No green thumb here, just PINK.

Laughing the boobs off in pictures

Just chillin before a double mastectomy

Attitude shoes, every girl should rock to surgery

The attendant was not humored by my sock puppet

My limo arrives, well stretcher but still!

YAHOOO double mastectomy time

Cat walk in pre-op, yeah I owned it

good lovin' from my TFO

Time to walk with my pops, yup I gave my nurse a heart attack

Daddy's baby

I think she really wanted to hurt me

 

home sweet home

missing Ben he is fishing, love my BOYS Please check the tabs for new pics:)

Stick of dynamite

My evening nurse was amazing really amazing! She was a wise Cracking woman who would not take my shit, which made my family so happy. She called me a stick of dynamite, small but explosive! Hmmmmm, guess she got my number. Last night was good, well the drugs were what made it that way. So many people called and texted, thanks so much! Sorry I couldn't answer all the calls I was drugged and out of it. I did sleep on and off. They tell you to sleep then come in every hour to check vitals, fluids, dump drains, how the hell can I sleep if you keep waking me up? My blood pressure did drop very low and they freaked a little but we got it under control. I am waiting to see the doc so I can get the hell out of dodge. I feel so powerful from all this support, please know how much it means to me. If I forget a thank you I am sorry, I blame the drugs just like in high school. My dad and G-Deb, my sister and brother were very good about keeping their tears under control and only giving love. Damn Italians cry over everything. I know they want to help so there will be bathrooms and floors to clean this week. Tom was great and made me feel strong and proud of myself! I love him for that, among other things. So I thank them all especially! Genevieve taking all the pictures made me have to smile, cause shit I wanna look good in them. Her support through pictures has been so therapeutic who needs a shrink when you got a photographer!! Then there is MC.....every step she has been there. Felt the lump, I knew she always wanted me. She went to the doctors with us to ask the questions while Tom and I tried to take it in, then she explained them to us in terms we got. She sat through the lumpectomy, and pounded the doctor with questions after. She has kicked my ass in work outs really making me strengthen my chest muscles. Came to my radioactive dye day even though she was freaked I would react on her. MC was up here at the crack of my ass helping not just me but everyone else in the family. And believe me my dad, sister, and brother are a lot to handle. She fielded my phone and the 100,000 questions people had! After surgery she pounded the doctor again with questions, she asks a lot if questions! She walked me down the hall for the first time and just laughed with me. I can never thank her enough but I wanted her recognized for what she has done for me, Tom, and my family. Because let's face it I am a LOT To handle!

Electric blue pee

My pee is a very beautiful shade of blue. It's from the radioactive dye, not my vibrant personality. I feel really good, really! I mean considering I had a double mastectomy, tissue expanders in, and am so drugged up, really good. Hey, did someone set their elephant on my chest? Cause that's what it feels like. Ouch! I am wrapped up like a mummy and hate that feeling, but a breast cancer girl has got to do the things she has to do. The nurses told me to stay dosed up, just like college. The doctors did their magic and stayed steady handed. The nurses are wonderful, not all of them are liking my wise ass comments, but I am who I am! The nurse asked me if I had diabetes, nope just breast cancer. She didn't laugh. The doctors got a huge kick out of me wearing pink sequin stilettos to surgery. Some people found it crazy, huh go figure? Look I needed to be fierce today, so I was in fierce shoes with attitude! All went smooth and everything looks good. We will know more on July 25th. I am in my private room with a fabulous view of Syracuse. I have been drinking and peeing blue. Tom is bringing me dinner and chocolate pomegranate (so yum), I hate hospital food. MC and I took a stroll just now, and was told to not try to leave to go to the bars. I love my nurse, love her! I am waiting for Genevieve to come up so I can do my walk again,in HIGH HEELS! Thanks for all your love, support, prayers and good vibes. I felt the strength from you,  I really did. I am glad this part is done, check it off the bucket list!

Off to see the wizard

I am up and ready as I will ever be! Good bye boobies you tried to kill me so.......OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!! Stayed tune for Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer featuring Tom Otis....... 7:26 am Hey people. We are down in surgery waiting to meet with the surgical team. AM is in good spirits. The nurses don't quite know what to make of her. She's sporting some crazy pink six inch heels along with her nasty hospital gown. She's cracking jokes and calling the shots (shocking!). I'll give you an update after she's through the surgery. 10:34 Part one is complete, plastic surgeon is finishing up. Things look great! A closer look at the nodes did not reveal any cells, which is the best news for right now. We'll have a full pathology report in about a week with the final word. More in a while when she's out.

It just hit me you have breast cancer

Design by Margret

Says my girlfriend who has been with me every step of the way, dumb ass DUH! You know when you need to be injected with radioactive dye, how you bring along a cancer research scientist friend to help and she makes fun of you the whole friggin time?? What that's not normal? Well neither is being injected with dye to make you glow but that was my day. Just walking into Nuclear Medicine was a a joke, really that's the name of the room. Receptionist "who did you bring with you?", me "my bitch". It was comedy relief from there. The nurse and nuclear doctor (how does one aspire to be that type of doc) were very nice. The nurse had more sense of humor than the doctor for sure. I tempted her with jello shots to join Cure or Bust next year and left with her email, hell yes! She played along as MC asked if I should ride in the back and even offered to give her an injection for shits and giggles. Let us first discuss the table to which I sat, picture a diving board, now cut it in half! I had to ask "what if I was a fat ass?". I mean I got a small butt and it was hanging over! The doctor started the procedure by saying "this will burn a little" to which I replied "so you know this from experience?", no he said! Well how the fuck do you know was my reply! The first side not so bad lots of scar tissue there from lumpectomy so it hurt but shit I 4 kids so doable. Left side, WOW! A little like battery acid dripping into your veins. Burn a little my ass more like a smack! Then the nurse massaged my boobs to get the dye flowing, felt pretty good for a nurse. We waited for the dye to get to work then it was picture time. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic? So I really enjoyed 30 minutes of being in a box. The good news it worked and I light up like the 4th of July! The doc came back in with his vibrator, I mean wand and waved it,chhhhhhhvvvrrrrrr it went, I held back my jokes there.  He marked the spot and I was on my way. I asked if I would go off under metal detectors, she said no but you cant leave the country, DAMN I was heading to Iraq. We stopped for lunch, a homeless man asked us for just "75 cents", I said "ya dropped something", his dime bag fell out. I then came home where I found a fabulous pair of shoes on my doorstep, Margret rocks no doubt. The shoes helped since I threw up and feel so dizzy. Good times here. Stupid dumb breast cancer you are really boring me. SO tomorrow you will be gone, you have no powers here, BLAHAHAHAHAHAH (evil witchy laugh). Tom will blog and update, he will channel my witty humor no worries. He doesn't swear as much so it will be G rated. I have my boxing gloves on and sparkly shoes ready for tomorrow.Change is all I can think about not just my body but how my whole being.  I will emerge a fabulous butterfly, colorful, full of life and a little sparkle in the wings. This change is big and I am looking forward to spreading my wings and soaring.

It was hilarious you should have been there!

Doctor appointments and junk

I have no news yet but you will be the first to know!



Can't schedule the surgery until the "surgery scheduler" comes back from vacation. I guess no one can open a friggin' computer page up to a calendar except one person. I was very polite when she told me this because I didn't want to piss anyone off. Here's the thing, the waiting is making me nuts and I am ready to BLOW!!! I apologize in advance for those who are in the vicinity when that happens, it will not be pretty.



UGH UGH AND UGH!!!! The surgery is set for July 20th, not exactly in the next 2 weeks but there is nothing I can do. I have to just go with it, but honestly now I feel like screaming.... LOUD. I want this done and over with so I can make this the past. My vacation starts on August 1st and there is no way in my living hell I am missing Cape Cod 2012 just cause I have stupid dumb breast cancer. I will be a HAM on that beach for sure  (Hot Ass Mess for those who don't get my lingo). Luckily, I will have my husband, children, cousins, Dad and G-Deb to be my minions so it will work out just fine. I always wanted to be waited on like the Queen I am! The doctor says if I play by the rules after surgery I should be OK to go, guess this is the one time I really have to be a good girl. No wise comments remember I have stupid dumb breast cancer!!!



The best APP

She's radioactive

Tomorrow I have the fabulous opportunity to be injected with radioactive dye. Doesn't that sound great? NOT!!! I have heard from some fabulous BC (breast cancer that is, a friend uses that to me and I like the way it shortens this stupid dumb thing) survivors have informed me that it hurts like "fucking hell".Actually burns like a bitch was more the reference.  OK, we know I have a high thresh hold for pain but how high we will see tomorrow. MC will be taking me, she said her husband is attaching the roof rack for me to ride on. She does want my "radioactive ass" in her car. She is looking forward to seeing how high my threshold is, I will make her do 50 burpees after just so she feels some sort of pain. I am told I can not be around babies, pregos, or elderly so be warned and stay away. I am RADIOACTIVE (I can not get that song out of my mind). Whoever can tell me the band and who was in it gets to put a light bulb in my mouth and see if it lights up. I wonder if when I dye my hair purple tomorrow if the dye will effect my hair, that would rock!

Ok I needed this video here...