I HAD CANCER

I am a guest blogger on the site www.ihadcancer.com

The site connects cancer fighters, supports and survivors by what type of cancer you have and where you live. You can search by age, too! It is an awesome page. PLEASE check it out….

http://www.ihadcancer.com/h3-blog/01-14-2013/Do-You-See-What-I-See

Do you want nipples to go with that?

“You have breast cancer and we will be removing your breasts. Would you like to keep your nipples?” As my head was spinning back in June from the first two statements the last was like “WTF are you talking about?” When you have a mastectomy you have the option to keep your nipples or have them removed. I choose to say good bye nips. They cannot guarantee you that they will get all the cancer cells out of them so I decided to get rid of them. Not to mention the whole idea of having them sewed onto my ass to save them was wiggity whack to me! True story, I know a woman who has a sister who had that done, BLAHAHAHAHAH!!  

Only 2 refills???

 So after my reconstruction my sweet plastic surgeon said “We have boxes of prosthesis nipples for you to choose from, if you would like.” A box of what?! Life is like a box of nipples you never know what you’re going to get. Sure enough they come in different sizes and colors, but alas no glittery pink ones. I see a market for this for sure. The doc needs to give you a prescription for them so do not try going down the nipple aisle at Wegman’s. Let me say you cannot pick up your prosthesis nipples at the Pharmacy at Target, you need a mastectomy store. Oh the things we learn through this process. Really sticker like, rubbery nipples, no fucking way!! But you know me and a good laugh is right up my alley. SO I brought the script to New Beginnings over in BrittionField, AWKWARD!!! The dear women that work there are older like grandmotherly and I hand them the slip of paper saying “I am here for my nipples”. “What dear speak up?!” UGH, nipples you are killing me here. They were awesome there and processed the order. I am sure the people at insurance get a kick out of running that through.

Oscar right???

At first I was like “This will make a great joke” and then I kept thinking of all the pictures Genevieve could take, ohhhhhh the possibilities are endless. When we took them out we couldn’t decide what to do first. After sticking them on things and making Oscar the Grouch. I tried them on…..WOW I look like I have real boobs. It changes your chest into real boobs, CRAZZZZYYYYY. Really it was wild how they made my boobs look well, REAL!! I totally understand why woman want these. They are not a joke at all. They build confidence and make you feel whole. They stick well too, now it’s not to guarantee they won’t fall off so beware! They instantly made me feel like I was well “normal”, do not say it. At first we didn’t think they would show but as you can see they do. I know you won’t want to “nip out” all the time but that is without a bra, just a sweatshirt, so with layers they don’t pop as much.  This whole process is insane. Every step is strange, educational and scary all wrapped together. I never in a million years would think I would be writing about prosthesis nipples, holy shit! Next chapter hysterectomy, that should be interesting……..

I ride for LIFE...

They will never take a piece of my sould

Ready and go...

Getting the riders pumped



NICK!!

Looks like they are having FUN

Listen up peeps:)

My MAN

Here we go....

Prep for the ride to hell



A little slice of Chin

My partner in crime..HANNAH



The Rack Pack, they even got me a shirt:)

Honey Badger don't play Nip

Ready to ROCK

Can you see the energy here??

And so it begins...

I amazed at how awesome this community is. Not only did 185 riders come out to endure the sensational 6 instructors ride, but we raised close to $5000.00!!! No joke people can I get a WHOOT WHOOT???  Part will go to Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure under team CURE OR BUST; you can register for that race on that team NOW!! And to help in the fight against bone cancer. This brings Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer up to almost $20,000.00 for various cancer charities. Pretty damn good for a little Italian girl from the Nort Side and her stupid dumb breast cancer. A fellow survivor took the challenge just like she attacked stupid dumb breast cancer like a badass, Suzanne rode for 6 hours. She left the center with a smile so I think she had a blast! Massively huge thanks to Cor Development Company for giving us the space to hold this event and providing snacks to the riders. Epic Outdoor Adventure gave us water bottles to give out to the early bird registrations and to the winning team name…….DICKS FOR CHICKS!! Six GREAT guys won and they could not have been more proud. Thanks to Taylor for providing visors to the instructors and the “Big Bone” rider, we missed you girl! Many thanks to every single instructor for donating their time, the room were filled with high energy for over 6 hours!!! Thanks to my Sam for wiping the bikes in between the rides and to my niece Jess and cousins Rosie and Meg for their help! Even though she was only supposed to stay for an hour my Deb (soon to be step mother!!) stayed for the whole event and helped so much their is no way to thanks. MC got up and came out to help but she knows I would have beaten her if she didn’t. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST HANNAH!!!!  She helped do it all, I loved working with her and cannot wait to plan the next ride. We are a fabulous teamJ

What is great is that after every event I am in awe at the success! What is even better is that it pumps me up for the next one! When I was diagnosed with this stupid dumb breast cancer I knew I was not going to take it and just roll with it. I wanted to not only beat it but show it who was boss! With all the donations for these events it keeps my cost to a minimum which means the more to kick cancer into outer space. I am done sitting by and doing nothing, I am making this what I was set out to do. I am really making cancer learn it picked the wrong bitch. Awareness can be spread fast and furious through these events and I am a party planner!! I hope everyone had as much fun as we did today. Even when YNN, The Post Standard and CNY Central showed up, check the local news tonight for sure.  

http://www.cnycentral.com/news/story.aspx?id=844387

http://centralny.ynn.com/content/top_stories/627994/pedaling-for-a-purpose/
http://photos.syracuse.com/post-standard/2013/01/stupid_dumb_breast_cancer_ride_4.html

 I should really take it easy, no friggin way!! “Stacks for Racks” February 11^th Trapper’s II in Minoa. I have an event for everyone. Just you wait to see what is up my sleeve for March, it is fabulous!!!!

Raffle winners….I feel funny using last names please contact me if you think it is youJ

Teresa Russo bowl-Judy F

Karen Cycle/Strength-Jojo, Tony D, Teri B

Shannon Yoga-Megan B

Cor Room rental-Margret

Road Ready Spin-Kate

La Fleur Facial-Kim H

Glass bird plate-Eleanor

Bird Caddy-Kristin W

Bago of Goodies-Jill

MC Strength-Kathy S

Black Olive-Tom G

Pink Scarf-Chris B

Wild Bird Seed Ornament-Mandy

Sarah Hall Pot-Jim G

This is how we roll...

A sample of dinner



New Year’s Day!!! I really cannot express how much this day is my favorite day of the year. My entire family, siblings, aunt, dad, cousins all in one house. We spend the day laughing, so hard that some of us pee a little. We play games bunch of cheaters they are, I swear Lori and Heather study People magazine before! We make the kids sled on cardboard, we are so ghetto sometimes.  We reminisces of when we were young and the pranks we played which only gives the younger kids bad ideas!  We are so loud, Megan said she could her us literally down the street. We do NOT put Styrofoam in the microwave, well Tom G does but he never listens. We have to put up with my brother who in fact is the BIGGEST PAIN. We used to have whipped cream eating contests until Mimi said “That is violating the whip cream” and she outlawed it. We do all this togetherJ

A sample of dessert

Some of my fav women

 

Mainly we EAT and I mean EAT. People always say to me that their family has so much food, it is no joke what my people can make……Stuff Squid, Shrimp, Antipasto, Fried calamari, Calamari salad, Cheese olives and meats, Chips and dip, stuffed peppers, Garlic pizza, Wasabi and cream cheese, Pasta and meatballs, Ham, Beef tenderloin, Lasagna, Italian wedding soup, Lentil soup, Spinach and ricotta pie, Vodka pasta, Sweet potato casserole, Lemon jello, Cookies, Cheesecake, Jubilee roll, Pecan chocolate pie, WHIP CREAM! Honestly that is only what we could remember, Heather called me the other day and we were wondering what else we could make The food is made from our hearts which makes everything taste that much better. Ok, who is still hunger cause it all comes back out right before you leave just to make sure you are stuffed to the limit. SERIOUSLY!!!!?? Some maybe having a hangover, we have a food hang over. Totally stuffed right now and will be all week.

CARDBOARD



Never ever come tired!

A game where they all fib, perfect!

How long have we been doing this?

East meets West for some TROUBLE

 

We missed you Michelle!!

Such an important part of my life both as a child and now as a semi adult and the fact that these people every one of them has given me hope makes my heart full. OK OK OK I know what Elana is thinking (if she reads this which I doubt she does), “Enough with the love shit, Jesus how long will the sap continue?” I am just so happy on NYD and nothing not even Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer can take that from me!! Family is the key to life, it always fits. Happy Fucking New Year and good bye 2012 do not come back cause you suck!!

 

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Events: mark your calendars

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Events: mark your calendars: This link will bring you to the FaceBook Events page   https://www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer?ref=hl#!/stupiddumbbreastcancer...

The truth will set you free....it will piss you off first

We all make mistakes, everybody does. How we learn from them is our own choice, so choose wisely!



I started writing this when I found out it was a really a fake. I want to preface this by saying I know that help is needed. I get that, and I really hope she gets help, fast before more people are hurt. There is actually a condition for this. I have given her lots of chances to come clean but she seems to not want to face the real facts. There are people that need to stop praying for your cancer and I feel they need to know the truth.  I want this said by me before the ones that are set out to hurt her take over. I do not want pain, just for this to end! Let me start at the beginning for those you do not know what cancer is like....

You get the word, the call the diagnosis "You have cancer". SHIT, are you kidding me?, am I going to die?, how did this happen?, what am I going to do? Among others, these things go through your head. Your friends and family members want so much to tell you it will be ok and they find ways to help, but if they never had cancer then they just do not really get it. So, it is 2012 and social media is at your fingertips (get it? cause you type, LOL). You search Google, you look at FB, hit Twitter then stop at Instagram. WOW, you find so many cyber friends all feeling those intense feelings. All going through the war against this disease that is taking rank on your body without your permission. You become friends with so many, now I do not mean "friends", I mean you cry with them, laugh and want them to be well. When a blogger friend died this year I sobbed, like a painful sob that I just lost a friend. The connection is real and strong, we call it "CANCER CONNECTION". The fact is we all need this so bad, not just for the advice and words of encouragement but to see we are not alone. I want to meet all these fighters, in Sweden, Netherlands, Canada, Italy, South Carolina, Florida, all over I want to meet, hug and cry with everyone! When I sent them their stupid dumb breast cancer shirt it made me so proud that they would honor me that way.

So do you get how important these friends are, so important. We post pictures to let each other know who we are doing, when the next surgery or treatment are, to make us laugh and sometimes to cry. Enter Katie, so sick with bone cancer. Telling us how she needs this next surgery to survive but the surgery is so scary. Showing us ALL her meds she takes. Pictures go up because she is back in the ER and is scared as hell. Telling us that she cannot go on she accepts death. Pray for her please. We did we pray, sent her so much encouraging words she must have been so happy. We told her we were here for her, told her our own personal struggles. Opened up so she knew she could trust us. Sent her a stupid dumb breast cancer shirt just because I care so much and wanted to lift her spirits, no charge Katie I know how poor you are. I cried cause she was so ill and I wanted to help her. Our heart was heavy for our friend battling and needing support. UNTIL.....

She was a cancer fake and so were her pictures. Her head was shaved for St. Baldrick's then to make it look like you lost it. These are the facts, we do not need to give it more than that.

I reached out to her before I did anything else. I gave her the chance to come to me for help. All she had to do was admit her lies to me. I hope everyone just stops and leaves her alone. She is getting help. Yes it was a lie that got out of control. But I am done trying and I really believe she needs to be exposed. Not to hurt her, because I believe she needs some major help, but to let those who she is seeking attention from know that she does not have CANCER. I am not trying to hurt her, but I am looking out for my friends who she is hurting with her lies, real friends who do not lie to each other! I also feel like this will help her. It will release her from the lie and I hope that she stops. I want her to move past this and get on with life. Those of us fighting right now will never understand why she did this, but I am done trying to figure it out. Katie says she has health issues, I just want her to get better. I want her to have peace.

 I am asking everyone to not be mean or nasty, just delete her from your Instgram, FB, twitter and anywhere else. Stop the negativity and just move past this. Say your peace with her but do not add to this horrible lie. Katie needs her family to help her, she needs support that we can not give her unless she chooses to stop running and lying. For now we need to let her run away and let us not look back. Nobody needs hate mail, emails, texts or such. She was so wrong, but during the holidays, shouldn't we have a little compassion? So get pissed, but be the bigger person and let it go, let her go. Does being mean ever make you feel better? Say something nice or nothing at all. But karma has away to taking care of it all.

Caring Kids take 1....

The weather outside was frightful but the children inside were delightful! The First Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer Caring Kids event was a major success!! I looked around the room and saw these children of all ages working so hard and finding a way to send real holiday cheer to those who need it. This is what good will to man is all about. The children were not complaining or looking for ways to do it quick. What they were doing was making more and more and taking their time. I think of all the ugliness in the this world, the hate, the violence, anger, the liars and it breaks my heart. As I looked around The Towne Center Community Room I saw love, compassion, thoughtfulness, kindness and the want to help others in pain. The way the older children helped the younger was so important for both age groups.

The children and parents that braved the storm are all amazing. People keep telling me what a great job I am doing, well I just have the ideas it is the caring people that make it real.  I cannot wait until the next Caring Kids event. I really hope you all take the time to show someone that you care, really care about them! This is the holiday spirit, this is good will to men, this is spreading christmas cheer. I challenge you to be like these kids for even a day, could you? Could you help someone today even though you are busy? Could you smile at that rude person in line? Could you just say Happy Holidays to someone who looks like they need it? You could but will you....

 

 

 

 

The making of a hypochondriac

Before I was diagnosed with Stupid Dumb Breast cancer I was NEVER sick. Even if I had a little something it didn’t bother me enough to go the doctor. Sure I did my yearly crap but nothing beyond that. Then the effin lump came into play. Now I feel like I am uber (I love that word) sensitive to any little thing. A couple of weeks after the mastectomy I was getting this pressure above my eye. Not a headache per say but constant pressure. It was affecting my balance and caused me to get floaters. Must be a tumor right? No just nerve damage from the anesthesia, it gets better over time but worse with each surgery. Guess I am screwed there.

A couple of weeks before the lump I had an ablation, hystercopy and a D/C, nothing like cleaning out the parts. I have had bad periods, cysts blah blah blah so we cleaned house. The ablation should help with all that, nope. This past couple of months my friggin period has been early, came in like a monster and gave me cramps and lower back pain similar to labor. Really I do not need this shit, no one does! So a sono revealed some follicles (another great word, seems all happy and gay!). Gotta love an internal sono, “Do you want to insert it or shall I?” After the sono I went to the OB/GYN, my FAVORITE office, warped I know but the staff and doctor make me feel like family not a patient! My sweet OB decided to do an in house biopsy, OUCH!!!! I love when a male OB says “It is a small probe, I will be quick and you will do great”, excuse me but do you have a vagina??? I held my awesome nurse Gia’s hand and it was over fast but shit balls that hurt. Biopsy came back …what was that word “unremarkable”, really that is good no cancer there but what a dumb friggin word! I am still having back pain that is shooting down my leg and cramps with pelvic pressure so just to be safe I had a CT with contrast of my pelvic and abdomen.

So I drank my white chalky crap at 11:20 and went to be scanned away. It was gross, cold or warm all GROSS! You know how I roll, with a posse in toe. MC and Genevieve came along for pictures (cause ya never know what they will find) and moral support (cause ya know I have no patience right now). I do not think the nice lady working the big machine was amused by my estrogen, but she ended up being a good sport. I think it is funny that spell check changed entourage to estrogen so I left it, BLAHAHAH! ANYWAY, they scanned my lower parts in no time and I was off and running, to the bathroom cause dude I had to pee! Then home to wait……

I know I am so lucky that I have friends that will read my results ASAP. My good friend called me to tell me I have ANOTHER fucking cyst, he did not say it this way he is too sweet. Basically, I am a breeding ground and need to have it all out! The thing that sucks is you have to do all this when you have been bitch slapped by cancer, you just never know. The correlation between breast/ovarian/uterine cancer is crazy! There is no cancer right now YAHOOOOOOOOOOO but honestly I feel like these cysts are just waiting for some action. I do not plan on giving it any! Anyone that thinks that cancer no matter the stage, ends with a mastectomy or the last round of chemo or the last radiation is a fool. The doctors all take all "issues" differently and with a closer eye. The oncologist will review all this when I visit him in January before the oopherectomy/hysterectomy (more funnier words). At this point January 24th can not come soon enough. So out with the uterus, the ovaries, the tubes and cervix who needs you anyway, not me.

I never used to worry about health issues, I do not have Munchhausen, I never liked being sick. This is all new ground for me and I do not like it. I used to be so active now I can’t focus. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. My journey has been hard for me, yes there are other people dealing with much more, but for my family this sucks! Every time I go to the doctor a new “thing” arises. Makes me not want to go. As time goes by I know this gets less and less the worry at least but right now until my MRI in May I worry. Cancer is a sneaky bastard that loves to pop out and give you hell. I plan on being just the bitch to give it back!

A library event WOW

I heard through the grapevine that the library had a “surprise" for me. I hate surprises, I am the one planning the surprises, not getting them! I had it under great authority that I would love it. Well, I DID!! The library made me a fabulous Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer tree; it was filled with quotes, shoes and pinkness. It is awesome, just like the staff there. They also had a message board with things people could say to me, which is still there and I cannot wait to read. Surprises were good here! Thank you so much my friends at Fayetteville Free Library, thank you.

The night started with rain, Yuk. I would rather it snow, sorry but I would.  Then my van died in front of the library, needed a new battery. Truly never a dull moment. My minions got to work. My older boys were very good about helping set up and get ready so big thanks to them! Genevieve got to work displaying all the photos which I think looked beautiful in that library room. MC and Kristin set up the shirt table, seriously what would I do without my peeps??? Echo, Riley and Ben stayed to help pass things out and then listen to the talk. Made me so incredibly proud to have them there. My son needed to hear this to really grasp what I went through on this summer. The girls needed to be aware of this for the future. I was so happy that my niece, despite how crappy she felt, as did two other teenagers that I hope get inspired to be active. Well, I know they will and I cannot wait to see what they do! I think I just lite a fire under their asses, I am proud of their passion to fight cancer.

I loved meeting all these survivors that I have grown to be friends with. I mean I LOVED it. I feel like I know them but seeing them made their story come to life. You do not know how much that meant to me. My story in part is some of their story and we share a cancer connection. After the negativity left the building (yes it seems t follows me like the plague) the energy that came through from everyone was pure positivity! And so I began MY journey with everyone listening, laughing and shedding a few tears. I tried to not watch my sister; she is a water works girl! I told my story which to me and my family made for a long, tiring physically draining summer. My son was so proud of me, which made me so happy. I mean shit he is almost 13 and he was inspired by his MOM!

I want to make this BIG; I want this to come to your town. See the reality is that it doesn’t matter if people in Troy, NY know me personally. If they know cancer then they get my story. I am just simply giving cancer a voice and a face. There is so much more behind this pink ribbon that I love to wear. This is the story of a young woman of 4 boys who caught her cancer and took the paths that she saw fit. It may not be the story you relate to but it is showing what happens to a women’s body when she takes this path. I want people to see those drains coming out, the scars, the pain, the SHOES!! Breast cancer has a face and it is young, it is fierce, it wears high heels. Stupid dumb breast cancer is not your grandmother’s disease. It hits woman of any age, race, and ethnicity.

So, I thank the library for their support and the guts to show this at the library. I would love to come to your library, your school, your town. South Carolina isn’t that far right??

Motherless Daughters

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I go about my day and the thought of my mom never enters my mind. Lately, she is nonstop.  There are times in a child’s life that they just need their mother. I was so lucky growing up to have 2 amazing Grandmothers, a sister, a godmother,  a big brother, a dad like no other, Aunts who went beyond their role, my mother’s friends who took me in,  and friend’s mothers who made it their duty to treat me like a daughter (Momma Lorraine you always make me feel like a daughter). Because of all of them, I was so filled with love that it was easy to get past the loss. Through a LOT of therapy I learned to become who I am, knowing that I was just like her and to stand proud. Yes, sometimes the loss is intense but you learn to get used to it. Anyone who says “you will get over it” is full of shit and does not know what they are saying. You never get used to a losing a loved one, you just learn how to cope.  

My mother died just a few weeks after my 1^st birthday. It doesn’t make my loss harder or less than my sister or brother, it just makes it my loss. I grew to love the woman in this picture without ever even knowing her; a mother’s love is that strong. During my journey with stupid dumb breast cancer the loss of her has been the biggest challenge. Some days it would be so great to have her, but I do not let myself go there. I remember that in some capacity she is in my life, she is here.  I am told she was a fierce, opinionated, strong willed, out-spoken, hard ass of a woman. HMMMMMMM……I think we may have butted heads, A LOT!