Just keeping it interesting

No shit

I just don't even know where to begin. Lets start with what makes me mad then we can get to what pisses me off part. I went to the plastic surgeon today. I actually wasn't too nervous because I needed them to look at my scars. They are red, swollen, painful and just not right. I knew something had to be done because my Patrick Fuller couldn't do much more with the massaging they hurt horrible. He even tried a little cupping, OUCH!!!  I am not a wimp I'm a lot of other things but not a wimp. So she decided to try injections, great a needle!  She did about 7 pricks and wow fucking wow. My eyes watered, I felt nothing but nerve pain. I know you are saying "but you can't feel anything" it's not the same it's more like pain in the skin. She wanted to do more but I physically couldn't handle it. I know wimp, pansy, wuss call me whatever that shit hurt. I am not to touch or massage the area for over a week, ha it hurts so bad right now there is no way in hell I am touching it. Tom better not even think about it. So if that doesn't work maybe laser or surgery to fix the scars but first we need to figure out what's going on with these implants. I'm sorry come again....

For weeks I have been bitching these implants have been in my arm pits, they have been choking me, didn't feel right, looked too fake but I blew it off because it must just be how it is supposed to be. They are fake boobs after all they aren't meant to be real BUT my PS is the man for boobs and these aren't comfortable. I even thought about not having any taking them out completely that is how uncomfortable they are.

Well guess what .... They are not right. They are shifting to my arm pits, they are "dimpling" at the right breast, you can actually see/feel the implant and they are too rounded not sitting right. So bye fucking bye! Yup you heard me another surgery. They are coming out before I have arm pit boobs, who the hell wants those except circus freaks (no comments here!) September 20 I just can't believe it. I could leave it but really they are not right and shifting, who wants that! Easy cancer my left tit! there is no such thing. Are you glad I am done? I swear if you say that to me I will clock you and by clock I mean punch directly in the face even if I have to stand on a stool. 

Back to the drawing board. I'm a work in progress. Under construction. Being a mess is exhausting. All I can can say is this will require some bad ass heels, this princess is think Jimmy! Or Christian! Or Tory! So many options. 

Time to honor the daddy-o's

First let me say that my heart goes out to all those who are missing their fathers today. I know your pain all too well. These made up holidays suck. It is crazy how a Hallmark holiday can make you so sad. I will not say all those stupid comments like "enjoy your kids", "remember the good times" or it gets easier. All that crap is just crap when your heart hurts. Losing someone especially a parent is hard and really doesn't get easier. Second I am sorry that this post is about a made up holiday but my dad is awesome so I have to. 

My father is far from perfect, way far. Our whole life he has been an emotional basket case. He thinks and acts with his emotions before calming down. But the truth is he has taught us to have emotions not to be cold heart jerks who don't know how to feel.  He loves completely sometimes making it hard to discipline his wild children. Car crashes, boy chasing, pot smoking, fights, teeth knocked out, drunks, sneaking out, dropping out, breast cancer, divorces you name it we got. Believe me this wasn't all me I have never been divorced! I don't think we were ever grounded, ever and believe me we should have been. What he has taught us is to love our children no matter what they are going through. He taught us to be there for them and stand by their side with nothing but love. We  didn't  grow up rich but boy we never wanted for a thing my father always put our needs first. Sure we all should have had major therapy after my mom died but the love he gave us  while he was suffering got us through. There is the one thing he did that was vital to who we are now is he loved our mother. There is this saying "The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother", my dad did that beyond words. Beyond the regular love, beyond the simple "I love you". He showed us love and respect really that is what you need most in life that is what you need to give! I don't think this love comes around a lot but he had it and that love reflected on us. It is the one thing I can never fault him for. I think that is why he can love Deb too, he has a lot of love to give. Just ask any of our friends who all consider him a dad. Better yet ask Tom, Karen or Jon if they use the term "father-in-law" or just father.

 

As a grandfather he is perfect!!! Anthony wrote a card the other day and it said.  "You are the greatest grandfather that ever there was", honestly he is. If you ask Matt he will tell you just that, ask Nicole and she will confirm. Jess will only brag even more and Lowell will add to it. Ben will tell you how awesome he is and it will be the only time him and Sam agree. Julian will tell you he was the one who told Anthony that Pa is their Pa and he is all they need. He comes to soccer, track, swim, volleyball, concerts everything. He does it because he wants to not because he has to. Everyone knows and loves Pa because he is the ultimate grandfather. Our children are so spoiled and lucky. The best thing is they know that he is awesome and love him right back. We have the coolest family don't hate, hahahah.

I have to end this with my husband as a dad. We have totally different parenting styles I am a yeller he is not. But like my dad he loves our boys and does it unconditionally and believe me they are royal  pains. The real thing is  like my father he love his wife. Is it a perfect love, no but it's real and solid. I hope one day my boys see the love their father gives me and gives it to their partner. If they ever leave us that is.  I hope they treat them like royalty just like my knight treats his princess. Well, most of the time!

 

 

Scared for life forever empowered

This blog post has been in my head which is a scary place for a while now, maybe even since the day I was DX. I need for those who do not “get it” to maybe really see it. Cancer changes you there is no doubt. The changes are physical and emotional which make for a very intense journey. It takes your body and mutilates, deforms, scars and transforms it into a foreign being.  It takes what you knew to be you and makes it into someone else. It is really like living in someone else's body. I cannot express to you how scary this is to live in a body you don't know or can even feel. Wrapped up not knowing to what to expect is so frightening. I was in shock and needed to see what the doctors only tell you yet never show. They show you what you those great pictures of what you  will look like after but never during. I sought out webpages like Scar Project to show me what was going to happen to me. I was empowered by these women and their strength. I needed to see their scars, tears and support to see I was going to heal.  I found Kerry Mansfield and cried hard. I was talking to Alissa at 1am and freaking out that my body was going to do that! How can this be happening? How was I going to be ok? I was scared yet comforted by these images. It took the unknown out of the picture for me.  She was still standing, she was alive and she was stronger now. I had no idea what was going to happen after this but these pictured helped me beyond words. When Genevieve Fridley took them it was helping me even then. We had no idea what we were going to do with them or if we would ever show them. I kept thinking of the images I saw and how they helped me, could these pictures help others? “My Journey Through the Lumps” was then created. Over 550 people came to see all the graphic, uncensored pictures and we raised over $12,000.00. Who would have thought?  I was vulnerable revealing myself like that yet I felt powerful too. I wanted people to see what the real side to cancer was, I wanted them to see the pain because I didn't "look sick". I am lucky that Genevieve isn't just an amazing photographer but one of my best friends. My girlfriend Karen looked at me and said “I had no idea what you went through”. That was exactly the message I want to send. You can slap a pink ribbon on breast cancer and call it awareness but that is not what cancer is about. I love PINK just love it, boas, ribbons, sparkly things that are pink, tattoos that have ribbons all of it. I am what is behind that image. This is life, this is my life. Facebook called these images pornographic/offensive and wanted them removed. Seriously?? There are images and pages on there that are over the top crude and beyond offensive yet they are still up and not getting any attention. My friend Sarcastic Boob was not going to stand for this. She made up a petition and urged people to sign it. Through Change.org over 20,000 people agreed! Facebook saw the importance of this and overturned it. The news spread yesterday and ABC posted an article. This is the movement I wanted from the day I posted my first picture. I am proud to be apart of this yet at the same time pissed people still are telling me these images are pure nudity. I just can not wrap my head around that. There is such an intense reality to the change in my body. I try on my clothes and they don’t fit the same. It isn't just the weight that I have gained because of cancer, nothing like losing body parts yet gaining 20 pounds. It is about the scars that hurt so badly, the alien body that is now mine and the loss of feeling in my breasts. I do not feel sexy or sexual, cancer changed that. Having a full hysterectomy did not help. I feel like a hollow woman with no feeling in her breasts. When the boys are asleep at night and Tom is snoring next me I cry, a lot. I hate what cancer has done to my body and my friends. I cry because there was nothing I can do about it. I am healing and that is a long process these images are showing that the scars take time to heal it doesn’t happen overnight. They also show strength, courage and power. Not porn, never porn. Healing is what the images show and anyone that thinks otherwise is a dumb ass. Thank you Facebook, David Jay, Scorchy Barrington and all the woman who live with these scars. This is what the pink ribbon should be about, this is awareness, this is LIFE. It is now my reality and I am making a difference with my pink breast friends next to me. This to me proves that stupid dumb breast cancer will never have me! After all my tiara didn’t fall off once, I remain a princess with a pink boa and stilettos and a whole different look on life.

Cancer does not define you but it sure changes you

For those just tuning in this post is about last year and my diagnosis with that thing called cancer.......
After my lumpectomy I really wanted to believe there was no problem. Doctor thought it was just papilloma no problem. Tom was going to take the day off, why that is silly there is no problem.  No I just needed to go to my appointment to check it out there was no problem. MC wanted to come, there was no problem so no need. Got there fast and they took me right away, there really was no problem. In walked my doctor, path report in her hand, serious look on her face, PROBLEM. I remember her saying she had to look at my path report a few times and couldn't believe it was me. I said “Because I have cancer.” “Yes, you have cancer”. It was sort of a blur as to what she said next, shit I should have had Tom take the day off, MC should be there cause I have no idea what the hell she is saying, shit shit shit my dad was watching Julian. I walked out of the office thinking what the mother fuck just happened. I seriously wanted to tell the person in the elevator next to me but thought they may think that was odd. I was walking to my car and my phone rings, Nikki calling to check on the appointment. I sat in my car telling her what they just told me. She said "well they have to send it off to a lab, maybe in Maryland" UMMMMMM this is the lab report from Maryland! She kept looking for the silver lining, yet having a hard time finding one. At the same time her voice was a comfort to me.

I drove out in a fog and pulled into Kohl's parking lot to find a disbelieving MC. She sat in the car reading the report with that WTF look. Off to tell my dad next. I asked him to call my sister and brother I didn't feel like dealing. BRIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG my brother called. Yup it is true, WTF. Texted Tom CALL ME ASAP, "what's up?" CANCER that is what is up. I walked in and out of stores that day in a fog. I wanted to shout to everyone "I HAVE CANCER" yet I wanted no one to know. Telling the kids was so hard. I felt like we had lied to them saying it was nothing now it was something. I sent an email out to people and would you believe people thought I was joking! I mean I know I am a wise ass but come on. Then the blog was born! 96,000 views later here we are. It was then time to make decisions, doctor appointments and face reality.

The fact was I felt great and was in excellent shape. I ate pretty damn good and exercised. On the outside I was doing everything right but inside was having a cancer party, who invited that dumb ass! Cancer does not care what you are doing right but I will say that it does help in battling the beast. It doesn't care what you have going on in your life or how difficult your life has been so far. It does not care who you are, your race, sexual preference, gender NOTHING. It is very open minded and hateful at the same time.

I wish this never happened yes. But truthfully it has also brought me closer with some amazing friends that are more like my sisters. I am friends with people all over the world who I never would have met had I not been DX. It has brought my family even closer, was that even possible? It has taught my kids a lesson in life even though I wish it hadn't it has made them stronger. Cancer has helped me help so many others battling. It also has shown my breast to a lot and I mean a lot of people. So, while I do not feel cancer defines me or anyone it definitely changes you. Some for the better some for the worse, I tend to think I am better. My filter button was a little wobbly cancer broke that shit off.

Today I have thought a lot about this year and how my world changed so much. I am still so tired, not sure how to catch up on all that lost sleep. I have gained weight yet lost body parts, how is that fair!? I am scared physically and not sure that the emotional scares will heal any time soon. Physically, emotionally changed for sure but still no matter what and in spite if cancer a princess and don't you forget it.

G-Deb + Pa = FAMILY

When I was a little girl I didn’t want my dad to really “date” anyone. For no other reason than I didn’t want to share his attention. My brother and sister are 9 and 10 years older than me so my dad and I spent a lot of time together just us. He would sing “Me and my shadow” because I followed him everywhere (guess Julian is my payback!). Trust me my dad dated in his day, he was a stud and a major flirt so ladies love him. So it is not like we didn’t see a few ladies come and go, but the fact is no one could put up with him. I remember one girlfriend trying to win my heart said: “Wouldn’t’ it be great if your dad and I got married”, “NO I like things just the way they are”, was my reply and I did. You have to understand that my dad lost his wife tragically at 35 when his family was just starting out. He was all of a sudden without his love and with 3 young kids, so he comes with some serious baggage. Plus there is us kids to have to contend with, we are not the easiest bunch!

  I was pregnant with Sam (almost 11 years ago) and my dad met someone. He wanted me to stop by the park to see her and give my opinion. Really, while I am hormonal, man was he brave. So, Tom, Ben and I went down and met Deb very casually. HMMMMMMM she is YOUNG, but nice I guess. Little by little Deb would make an appearance at different family gathers, seeming to be nervous I am sure my brother didn’t help, he can be intimidating. I thought she was OK at the time but would she last that was the real test. My sister well let’s just say it was hard, she remembers my mom and dad together but she wasn’t opposed to the idea of them either. Over the years we got to know this caring, kind, loving woman. Deb actually loves my dad, like really loves him! She understands that my dad will never stop loving my mother and she is respectful of that. She understands that he has a HUGE heart and there is room for her in there. She gets that we are a family and there is nothing stronger. I actually think she needs us too which makes us take her in even more. Deb will bend over backwards and do anything for us and it all comes from her heart. When I was diagnosed she said she wished it was her and knowing Deb I know she meant that, I wished it was no one. I love the fact we have been going to the Cape for the past 10 years, what memories we have made!

 Last year, I encouraged my dad to put a ring on her finger; PHEW I was scared I was going to have to care for him. He was a nervous wreck, but that Christmas Day before church he gave her a little purse and inside was a ring. They came over to celebrate and popped champagne! Anthony made a comment that he thought Deb “took care of Pa” and while I found that hilarious after this past week I realize it to be true. I am so thankful for Deb, for her and my dad living together, for her love for him, her love for all of us really. I never knew my mother and I am certainly not looking to replace her, no one could do that. But having Deb in my life is the next best thing.

  Tomorrow is Deb’s birthday, 50 and I hope it is a great year. Happy Birthday to our G-Deb! We love you and are so proud to have you part of this wacky family. You must really love us to stay in it after the year we have had!

Wait what a heart attack now???

Strong like BULL

When I was about 16 my dad had a heart attack followed by a bypass. I vaguely remember it because I was way too self-absorbed being the wild child I was. I remember being scared but really excited that I and Alissa (my BFF childhood friend partner in crime) got to stay in the house alone while he was in the hospital, who thought that was a good idea?? I remember going to Joey’s restaurant before the surgery for a family dinner and laughing but I cannot remember being scared. I am sure I was but didn’t freak. Yes, he smoked but after this he basically quit, we would find the random cigarette here and there but nothing by the pack. He changed his diet and started really walking. So he was fine why worry? If only I wasn’t such a teenager I may have assisted in this or at least acted like it.

Then Sunday night…. my phone was basically bombed because everyone was trying to call me so it shut down. My sister called her friend who lives near me and Stephanie came knocking on my door at 11pm. “It’s your dad” she could barely get the words out. I was trying to turn the phone on to call  somebody but who do I call?? It was the craziest moment ever and I was shaking.  I ran out banged  on my neighbor’s door but she wasn’t waking up, Steph insisted I go now. Why was this urgent?? There were messages on my phone but I could not bring myself to listen. I was so scared he was dead. The ride to hospital was so incredibly long, I felt like Tom was crawling there. I called Mc on the way, Rosie would go to the kids and then Nikki, all saying keep us posted. I had a hard time getting the words out, did he really have a heart attack?! We pull in with my cousin Tommy behind us and there was a line, seriously get the fuck out of my way. Tom told them “Please move we may just have moments to say good bye” what who was saying godbye, no no no no! I ran down the hall past Jon and Natalie to the curtain area, there he was. “Oh great here is another family member” the nurse said. I looked at her and said “yup and we are not going anywhere” He was hooked up and in distress. There was my sister looking frazzled. There was my brother looking broken hearted. There was Deb looking a mess. There was me feeling like I was 10 years old and just wanting my King to sit up.    
 I couldn’t be 10; I needed to be an adult. I am his health care Proxy (sounded really cool when he  first put me down now I am not so sure) so I needed to listen and make decisions with my siblings  and Deb. I could not believe this was happening. They needed to see how much damage was done. If there was too much emergency bypass or a stent. Someone will be out to tell us and it should take about 45 minutes to an hour. Are you fucking kidding me??? Do you know who you have in there?? That is Al Giannino he is strong like bull do not fuck up because this family does not mess around.

 So we sat…Lori, Jon, Natalie, Nicole, Jess, Al, Karen, Dick, Tom, Tommy, Deb and me. I will not tell about how the others behaved during the wait only that we were all children again and very vulnerable. The moments were private yet we were in the halls crying in front of strangers.   Please let him be ok I kept thinking just let me say I love you, I had forgot to when he was wheeled away. Why did I do that??  I needed to say it please be ok. He is the only parent I have ever known I need him like I need air. I will not image my life without him, I will NOT.  I sat there like everyone else thinking of all the times I snapped or hung up too quick wishing I could do that. I was worried about my nephew traveling across country who really needed to know. I needed olive oil and parmesan  cheese he had to get that for me, who was going to get that??. I turned to my brother and hugged him, “I hate this hospital I do not want to be here, I want to go home”. “I know me too”. Our mother was  killed here and we all were thinking the same thing it can’t take Pa, too.

 Time then stood still. What was taking so long? Is it good that it is taking so long? No it must be bad…45 minutes…46...50…60..64..67…75…87…90..96..99 minutes later he comes out. “I love you, I love you”. We listen as the doctor explains they used the cath to check blockage and put a stent in. I am not going to get all medical because that is not what I have been doing on this blog. The info the doc gave seemed good yet bad at the same time. There was damage this would help but there would be a road ahead with more bumps, great we really need a paver!  Then he went down stairs and we all took a small breath, SMALL! What was to happen now? UGH I now had to tell my kids.
Understand that I am close with my dad but my kids are incredibly close with him, all the grandchildren especially the prodigal grandson. Telling them was so hard, I cried with them and held them tight. Just like my dad would have. 

 

We did what we always do and we stood by each other. Held each other, yelled a little, cried a lot (there was a crying rule this time). We all have different complex relationships with my dad but the fact is we are very close, like crazy close. I kept thinking of our new tattoos MIA FAMILIGA with an infinity sign, yes family forever! My dad really enjoyed telling every single person that his tattoo was easier, it made him smile to talk about it. We took turns coming and going, making dinners, cracking jokes (he has to lay off the crack) driving, getting spinach and strawberry shakes, making calls (Lori did a great job there! ) and just being together. I watched my dad hold each of our hands and you can see the love. He was proud of how his family banded together. I believe that he benefited from our strength it empowered him.  My dad is strong, strong like bull and I am not only proud but really honored to be his daughter.  Here is the reality: he has a heart condition, it is not great but right now manageable. With all of us around him he will be ok. We are just more aware than ever of the fragility of life. Will this stop us from yelling, hanging up the phone too quick and getting pissed? I hope not because that is life. BUT will it make us hug each other a little more, say I love you a little more and just be together more?? OHHHHH HELLS YES! Cape Cod here we come:) Driving him home from the hospital with my sister in the back and my brother meeting us and Deb waiting at home was fabulous, until the school called to tell us Anthony fainted and had a “seizure”, but that is another blog post. Right now this princess needs a drink! It has got to be 5 o’clock somewhere!!!  

Birthday boy

June 4 2000, crap was that really 13 years ago?? Where did the time go? How did you grow so fast? When the hell did you become a wise ass back talking teenager? You were born 4 weeks premature, I told that doctor you were purple! It was 2 weeks in the hospital and the nurses all loved “Prince Charming” as they called you. You were for sure the easiest baby, never cried, slept through the night right away, ate great and never left your blanket. You would read books for hours, literally hours. You were just so happy. A little (well a lot) neat freak even as a baby, you would eat oatmeal at 7 months with a spoon and NEVER spill, we didn’t even own a bib! Then you became a toddler, still so easy. Happy and playful always minding momma and daddy. Even grade school was a breeze, all the teachers LOVED you, friggin brown noser. Then puberty hit you and smack teen age HELL. I will leave it at that cause I am sure very parent understands this.
Yet you still love your momma and tell her your secrets. I can not express how much I love you and how proud I am of the young man you are evolving into. Thank you for being kind, gentle and compassionate. It almost makes up for the wise ass you are!
Happy 13th Birthday to my first born!

The family that tattoos together stays together

 My cousins Elana, Michelle, Maria, Heather, Rosie,and Megan, my nieces Nicole and Jess, my sister Lori, my DAD and myself all got infinity tattoos on May 18th. They have the words "mia familgia" in the center. We don't need a family picnics or cook outs, we don't have to send cards or call every day. We stand by each other through hard times, crazy times, funny times and tattooing times. Whether you laughed while getting it, cried, swore like a banshee or found it crazy you did it with pride. You did it from love, you did it for support, YOU DID IT, now who wants another??
This princess has the best fucking loud ass Italian family on the planet! I don't think Halo Tattoo or DJ Rose will ever be the same. MIA FAMILGIA AMORE 🇮🇹💗

363 more days until this day comes back

Mom

Mother

Momma

Ma

Mommy

Mum

It is that day that stupid dumb Mother’s Day. I already know so do not write it or say it or text that crap about ‘Now you’re a mother”. I know that, I gave birth to those 4 boys and it makes me feel amazing to have them in my life. But it will never take away the loss of not having one to raise me. Those are literally the only pictures I have of her with me and it sucks.  As an adult, I am supposed to be a big girl today and be happy that I have 4 great kids blah blah blah. I really hate this made up holiday, made in 1914 during the depression to boost the economy! So why must us motherless daughters endure this heart ache (fatherless you get your turn in June)?  I could type away of all the reasons I why this is hard for me, but I do not think it will do me any good (nor do I need Lori to have any more water works). I will just say that I never ever knew what it was to have a mother, she died when I was 1 year old and who can possibly remember that. A cure for cancer would be amazing, but I wish more than anything to know what she sounded like, smelled like or felt like. I sat the other night with my girlfriend who lost her son a few weeks ago and she isn’t exactly thrilled for it either, so it isn’t just me!
 I asked my brother what he was doing for mother’s day his response was “my mother’s dead”, is it wrong we both laughed? My sister was more planning it out with her girls, needs to keep busy. I do not enjoy being miserable during this weekend and believe me it is no picnic for Tom but I can not snap out of it. I remember in school ( I went to a small Catholic school, 1 class per grade and EVERYONE knew everyone’s business) when the card making day came around for Mother’s day I would cringe. I actually would fake sick sometimes so I didn't have to make one. Sure I made a card for my grandmother’s, aunts and godmother: HAPPY BIRTHDAY Linda this post should just make your day, but it is far from the same. I would sit there and watch all my friends making a card for their mothers that they all complain about and I wanted to cry. I was the cool kid and there was no way I was crying so I just went about it. Crazy cause now in school they would be on that and helping the child, sending them to the school counselor to process the grief. This was the 80’s. Better just to not talk about it, no wonder me and my siblings are so screwed up.
 I think about Mother's Day during the year and think this year I will be happy and love that I am a mom. Then the little princess who just wants her mommy runs right through me stomping her stilettos. Honestly I just want the day to be over. I feel bad cause no matter what Tom does I am sad which sucks cause I have not been a bag of fun lately.  Got to love a little survivor guilt with a dash of low self-esteem and a sprinkle of body image issues to create the ultimate emotional roller coaster. And now it is Mother’s day, UGH! I do not wish that I could just embrace my kids and enjoy the day, I do not wish that I had flowers or cards and I do not wish for breakfast in bed. I just want to think about the mother I never knew. I want to be sad and let that be ok. I want to cuddle on the couch with my monkey butts while TFO makes me some tea. Life makes no sense sometimes and I have chosen to not question it but to accept. I accept the unacceptable but I do not have to like it! And if I want to be a big ass grouch, well shit I am going to be and if I were you I would just let me cause I am in no mood.

This is not a pity party post it is just my feelings. If you are reading this and you are a motherless child you get it, no matter your age. Everyone feels pain from a loss, this is just mine. Not worse than anyone else, just mine.  If you have a mom to celebrate with you probably think I am nuts (I am but today just a little more than usual). Today I will set the tiara on the table and just be a big baby, I think I will make the boys shine it for tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Godmother

I love having a godmother I really do. We could not be more opposite but there is a serious bond. She took me to the movies when I was little and her boyfriend carried me on his shoulders. We would go into Small World and I would buy one thing, something small and made in China but I loved that! I was in her wedding and got to be a Junior bridesmaid, I felt so cool. I got my period and was with her PHEW that could have been awkward with my dad!  She took me to see Michael Jackson, I am sure she did that solely for ME!!!!!! She had a baby and asked ME to be her godmother, now I was cool. I even lived with her for awhile, god help them. Yes we have had some ups and downs but managed to put it all behind us, isn't that what family is about? She may not have been by my bed during this stupid dumb breast cancer journey but I felt like she was. I felt her worry and fright. I felt her love.
So today I am sending her an early HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Thanks for not only accepting me for me when I know you had other ideas but loving me too. Thank you for giving me some awesome childhood memories. And thank you for always treating me like a princess!!