home sweet home

missing Ben he is fishing, love my BOYS Please check the tabs for new pics:)

Stick of dynamite

My evening nurse was amazing really amazing! She was a wise Cracking woman who would not take my shit, which made my family so happy. She called me a stick of dynamite, small but explosive! Hmmmmm, guess she got my number. Last night was good, well the drugs were what made it that way. So many people called and texted, thanks so much! Sorry I couldn't answer all the calls I was drugged and out of it. I did sleep on and off. They tell you to sleep then come in every hour to check vitals, fluids, dump drains, how the hell can I sleep if you keep waking me up? My blood pressure did drop very low and they freaked a little but we got it under control. I am waiting to see the doc so I can get the hell out of dodge. I feel so powerful from all this support, please know how much it means to me. If I forget a thank you I am sorry, I blame the drugs just like in high school. My dad and G-Deb, my sister and brother were very good about keeping their tears under control and only giving love. Damn Italians cry over everything. I know they want to help so there will be bathrooms and floors to clean this week. Tom was great and made me feel strong and proud of myself! I love him for that, among other things. So I thank them all especially! Genevieve taking all the pictures made me have to smile, cause shit I wanna look good in them. Her support through pictures has been so therapeutic who needs a shrink when you got a photographer!! Then there is MC.....every step she has been there. Felt the lump, I knew she always wanted me. She went to the doctors with us to ask the questions while Tom and I tried to take it in, then she explained them to us in terms we got. She sat through the lumpectomy, and pounded the doctor with questions after. She has kicked my ass in work outs really making me strengthen my chest muscles. Came to my radioactive dye day even though she was freaked I would react on her. MC was up here at the crack of my ass helping not just me but everyone else in the family. And believe me my dad, sister, and brother are a lot to handle. She fielded my phone and the 100,000 questions people had! After surgery she pounded the doctor again with questions, she asks a lot if questions! She walked me down the hall for the first time and just laughed with me. I can never thank her enough but I wanted her recognized for what she has done for me, Tom, and my family. Because let's face it I am a LOT To handle!

Electric blue pee

My pee is a very beautiful shade of blue. It's from the radioactive dye, not my vibrant personality. I feel really good, really! I mean considering I had a double mastectomy, tissue expanders in, and am so drugged up, really good. Hey, did someone set their elephant on my chest? Cause that's what it feels like. Ouch! I am wrapped up like a mummy and hate that feeling, but a breast cancer girl has got to do the things she has to do. The nurses told me to stay dosed up, just like college. The doctors did their magic and stayed steady handed. The nurses are wonderful, not all of them are liking my wise ass comments, but I am who I am! The nurse asked me if I had diabetes, nope just breast cancer. She didn't laugh. The doctors got a huge kick out of me wearing pink sequin stilettos to surgery. Some people found it crazy, huh go figure? Look I needed to be fierce today, so I was in fierce shoes with attitude! All went smooth and everything looks good. We will know more on July 25th. I am in my private room with a fabulous view of Syracuse. I have been drinking and peeing blue. Tom is bringing me dinner and chocolate pomegranate (so yum), I hate hospital food. MC and I took a stroll just now, and was told to not try to leave to go to the bars. I love my nurse, love her! I am waiting for Genevieve to come up so I can do my walk again,in HIGH HEELS! Thanks for all your love, support, prayers and good vibes. I felt the strength from you,  I really did. I am glad this part is done, check it off the bucket list!

Off to see the wizard

I am up and ready as I will ever be! Good bye boobies you tried to kill me so.......OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!! Stayed tune for Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer featuring Tom Otis....... 7:26 am Hey people. We are down in surgery waiting to meet with the surgical team. AM is in good spirits. The nurses don't quite know what to make of her. She's sporting some crazy pink six inch heels along with her nasty hospital gown. She's cracking jokes and calling the shots (shocking!). I'll give you an update after she's through the surgery. 10:34 Part one is complete, plastic surgeon is finishing up. Things look great! A closer look at the nodes did not reveal any cells, which is the best news for right now. We'll have a full pathology report in about a week with the final word. More in a while when she's out.

It just hit me you have breast cancer

Design by Margret

Says my girlfriend who has been with me every step of the way, dumb ass DUH! You know when you need to be injected with radioactive dye, how you bring along a cancer research scientist friend to help and she makes fun of you the whole friggin time?? What that's not normal? Well neither is being injected with dye to make you glow but that was my day. Just walking into Nuclear Medicine was a a joke, really that's the name of the room. Receptionist "who did you bring with you?", me "my bitch". It was comedy relief from there. The nurse and nuclear doctor (how does one aspire to be that type of doc) were very nice. The nurse had more sense of humor than the doctor for sure. I tempted her with jello shots to join Cure or Bust next year and left with her email, hell yes! She played along as MC asked if I should ride in the back and even offered to give her an injection for shits and giggles. Let us first discuss the table to which I sat, picture a diving board, now cut it in half! I had to ask "what if I was a fat ass?". I mean I got a small butt and it was hanging over! The doctor started the procedure by saying "this will burn a little" to which I replied "so you know this from experience?", no he said! Well how the fuck do you know was my reply! The first side not so bad lots of scar tissue there from lumpectomy so it hurt but shit I 4 kids so doable. Left side, WOW! A little like battery acid dripping into your veins. Burn a little my ass more like a smack! Then the nurse massaged my boobs to get the dye flowing, felt pretty good for a nurse. We waited for the dye to get to work then it was picture time. Did I mention I'm claustrophobic? So I really enjoyed 30 minutes of being in a box. The good news it worked and I light up like the 4th of July! The doc came back in with his vibrator, I mean wand and waved it,chhhhhhhvvvrrrrrr it went, I held back my jokes there.  He marked the spot and I was on my way. I asked if I would go off under metal detectors, she said no but you cant leave the country, DAMN I was heading to Iraq. We stopped for lunch, a homeless man asked us for just "75 cents", I said "ya dropped something", his dime bag fell out. I then came home where I found a fabulous pair of shoes on my doorstep, Margret rocks no doubt. The shoes helped since I threw up and feel so dizzy. Good times here. Stupid dumb breast cancer you are really boring me. SO tomorrow you will be gone, you have no powers here, BLAHAHAHAHAHAH (evil witchy laugh). Tom will blog and update, he will channel my witty humor no worries. He doesn't swear as much so it will be G rated. I have my boxing gloves on and sparkly shoes ready for tomorrow.Change is all I can think about not just my body but how my whole being.  I will emerge a fabulous butterfly, colorful, full of life and a little sparkle in the wings. This change is big and I am looking forward to spreading my wings and soaring.

It was hilarious you should have been there!

Doctor appointments and junk

I have no news yet but you will be the first to know!



Can't schedule the surgery until the "surgery scheduler" comes back from vacation. I guess no one can open a friggin' computer page up to a calendar except one person. I was very polite when she told me this because I didn't want to piss anyone off. Here's the thing, the waiting is making me nuts and I am ready to BLOW!!! I apologize in advance for those who are in the vicinity when that happens, it will not be pretty.



UGH UGH AND UGH!!!! The surgery is set for July 20th, not exactly in the next 2 weeks but there is nothing I can do. I have to just go with it, but honestly now I feel like screaming.... LOUD. I want this done and over with so I can make this the past. My vacation starts on August 1st and there is no way in my living hell I am missing Cape Cod 2012 just cause I have stupid dumb breast cancer. I will be a HAM on that beach for sure  (Hot Ass Mess for those who don't get my lingo). Luckily, I will have my husband, children, cousins, Dad and G-Deb to be my minions so it will work out just fine. I always wanted to be waited on like the Queen I am! The doctor says if I play by the rules after surgery I should be OK to go, guess this is the one time I really have to be a good girl. No wise comments remember I have stupid dumb breast cancer!!!



The best APP

She's radioactive

Tomorrow I have the fabulous opportunity to be injected with radioactive dye. Doesn't that sound great? NOT!!! I have heard from some fabulous BC (breast cancer that is, a friend uses that to me and I like the way it shortens this stupid dumb thing) survivors have informed me that it hurts like "fucking hell".Actually burns like a bitch was more the reference.  OK, we know I have a high thresh hold for pain but how high we will see tomorrow. MC will be taking me, she said her husband is attaching the roof rack for me to ride on. She does want my "radioactive ass" in her car. She is looking forward to seeing how high my threshold is, I will make her do 50 burpees after just so she feels some sort of pain. I am told I can not be around babies, pregos, or elderly so be warned and stay away. I am RADIOACTIVE (I can not get that song out of my mind). Whoever can tell me the band and who was in it gets to put a light bulb in my mouth and see if it lights up. I wonder if when I dye my hair purple tomorrow if the dye will effect my hair, that would rock!

Ok I needed this video here...



Boob Voyage

I literally have the breast girls. They took me out to wish me the "breast" luck in style. Everyone looked amazing and they really pumped me with good vibes! I do not know how to really thank them for their support because it is beyond just "thank you". I just know that IF chemo is needed they will ALL shave their hair for me! Last night was just what I needed, I love you all.

My sister and niece Nicole

My wing bitched

Seriously AWESOME cake

Forever TaTa girl:)

Mi Familia

My Jess

Prep for Boob day

There is so much to do to get ready for having a Double mastectomy. I mean set aside all the friggin lists I've been making, the play date arranging, stocking up on food, and just every day shit. I had to get waxed, threaded, a cute pedi, a new tattoo with my favorite people and a hair cut so I guess I'm ready?! Tonight my girlfriends are throwing me a "boob voyage" party, gotta say good bye to the original sisters! What great friends to send them off in style and in true girlfriend form "slutty tops" encouraged! This is the original Girl's Night Out, these girls need to get out. This energy is so incredible I can't stay down for long. And I thank them for that. Then my hubby is taking me to dinner, without kids! How lucky am I?? Great friends, supportive hubby, crazy ass family and an awesome pair of new shoes! Expect for the stupid dumb breast cancer I'm good better than good fanfreakingtastic. Not gonna lie I fucking hate this stupid dumb breast cancer and what it's doing to my body. Don't even get me started on what it's doing after! I look at these amazing breast cancer woman before and after their journey and I'm in shock. At first I thought it was sheer fright but as I sit here I realize I am in awe by their strength courage and how amazingly beautiful they are with those stunning bald power heads and warrior scars. In a weird way makes me proud to be one of them weird because I am find them more gorgeous than any "super model". As my support staff said "you got this" and I known this but lets face it in preparing for all of this I'm totally entitled to piss and moan, bitch, cry, punch or slap (who's up for that), I refuse to hold it in. So if your there for the bitching, crying, hitting be happy I think of you as a good enough friend to do that in front of. Plus, you're helping me get ready for one hell of a lumpy ass journey! Early detection saved my life, so cop a feel today:)

And now I am pissed off

We have 4 boys ages 12 to 4 and getting together to watch something as a family is a challenge. There are so many inappropriate things out there and if you know child #3 you know he needs no encouraging. So when we started watching "Cake Boss" it was perfect. For those who do not know its a reality show about a bakery in New Jersey. The family is straight up Italian American and the boys can find someone in our family that reminds them of the people on the show. So needless to say we LOVE the show. My Sammy so much that he wants to go to Carlo's Bakery for his birthday!! At Sunday dinner today there was a preview for a new episode and the mother is ill. The family is shown all crying and worried about her well being. I know, I know I am getting to the point, relax. Sammy lost it. I took him in the other room where he cried and told me how scared and worried he was. He obviously knows I grew up without a mom so he gets that can be a reality for some. Seeing the fear in my son's eyes made me so pissed off like I can not explain.

****Disclaimer VERY FOUL LANGUAGE to follow*****

Go fuck yourself breast cancer! Hate is too nice of a word for your stupid ass. How dare you scare my children. Only I can do that! You can kiss my ass because that is all I will give you. You are nothing but a little bitch slap and I will destroy you. You have no idea what type of fury you lite in me!

How to talk to someone with breast cancer from someone with breast cancer

You know that moment you see the person you just heard has breast cancer and you want to say something helpful? It is sort of awkward and you want them to know that you are thinking of them. Should you come out and say it? Should you top toe around? Pretend like you do not know? What do you do? I am always looking to be ever so helpful so I am here guide you through this. Caution use of foul language to follow. Let me tell you what NOT to say or do....

1. "I heard you were sick?" Listen, I am not sick!! I feel fanfreakingtastic (yes that is a word). Breast cancer is working its magic inside me and not effecting my outside at all. I do not have the flu I have breast cancer!
2. "Everything will be OK". No shit in like 8 months when this is behind me but for right now things are tough.... doctor appointments, phone calls, surgeries, the anticipation being scared (yes I am scared so get over it) and the upcoming PAIN. All not OK, yes it will be but I am living in the here and now.
3. "How are you doing?" Take a guess?! My summer is on edge, I have stupid dumb breast cancer and about to under go a major operation. Honestly, how the eff do you think I am?? Plus if you are asking me then the 15 other people before you asked too, I am friggin sick of answering that (wait I just said I wasn't sick, OPPS).
4. "Let me know what I can do to help?" OK this one gets Tom going too. You could take the kids to Disney (that is Tom's response). I know you want to be helpful but do not offer if you really are just looking for something to say cause I may ask you to take me to get a bikini wax and hold my hand. Plus, just do something to help do not say it. It is hard enough to ask for help so just get on task.
5. The head tilt, do not tilt to the side and ask any of the above. It makes people with breast cancer feel like you "feel sorry" for them. I mean yes you feel bad but no one wants that pity look. Makes me violent I tell you.
6."My Uncle Louie's wife's great aunt's mother had breast cancer, it was horrible and she died". OK, really if it is not 1st person and not a good outcome save it. Nothing is worse than hearing about someone dying from breast cancer, trying to live here! Think positive, no negativity here.

OK so I am sure some of you are like "Shit I did that (or all of that)". Do not worry I am giving you a bye because I know it all comes from the heart. I am also giving you advice. Here is some great things to say and do....

1. "Damn girl you are looking fine! Breast cancer looks good on you"
2. "Those new boobs will be killer with that top"
3. "I know you do not need it but I am sending you lots of positive energy" (I will even take prayers here)
4. "I know there is nothing I can do to stop this which has got to suck, so feel free to punch me"
5. "Wanna get drunk?"
6. "Wow you are going kick breast cancer's ass so bad it dies"

And last but not least...."I know you wanted those pink Christian Louboutin so I got them for you".

Hope you all found this humorous, if you did not oh well I am the one with stupid dumb breast cancer you guys are just need something to do! :)

FOOTNOTE....This is for Alissa. DO NOT I repeat DO NOT tell a breast cancer bitch about to get a double mastectomy to go see a Chinese Herbalist instead!! She is so luckY I love her forever:)